The Magic of Mind-Set

There is a moment in the Edward Albee play Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf? in which George and Martha (played in the film version by Richard Burton and Elizabeth Taylor) stop their perpetual oral battle to discover that they have been arguing over completely different subjects. The same thing often happens, at various decibel levels, in our own conversations. “What were we talking about?” “I forgot what I was saying,” and “Where were we?” tell us that we’re involved in off-track, out-of-sync, or unrelated conversations.

“Mind-set” is the term for the tone-setting actions at the beginning of a discussion that ensure a meeting of the minds on three simple but powerful questions. If both mentor and protégé are of one mind on these questions, the discussion will probably have a positive outcome.

• Why are we here? Both parties need to be clear on the purpose of the conversation. A simple statement followed by confirmation is usually enough: “John, I see this session as an opportunity for the two of us to discuss the best approach for conducting the Patterson study. Is that your goal as well?”

• What will it mean to you? The potential for both participants to benefit from the dialogue is important. Not only does it help focus the exchange, but it enhances motivation. Proper attention to the potential benefits for the protégé can turn a lethargic, “Here we go again, another meeting with Kaylee” mind-set into “Wow, this meeting with Kaylee is going to be really helpful!” The mentor derives the satisfaction of helping the protégé learn to the benefit of all.

• How shall we talk? Mind-set also includes telegraphing the tone and style needed. Even if the tone is implied, a brief reminder can be useful in serving notice that an open, candid, freewheeling conversation is needed and expected. It also helps clarify the rules of engagement, avoiding unpleasant surprises: “Gilbert, I’ll be as open and candid as I can in this discussion. My thought was that we devote about thirty minutes to exploring options, and then give you a chance to make a decision.”