Asserting Yourself and Saying No

‘Assertiveness is not what you do; it's who you are!’ – Cal Le Mon

Your manager asks you to take on a new project but you're not sure if you have the right skills and experience to do the work on your own and are worried about the consequences of saying no. A friend asks you to go to the cinema but you're too tired. Your brother asks you to have his children for a long weekend but you dread the thought and yet don't want to let him down.

Are there similar situations when you want to say no – to refuse assertively – but find yourself holding back because you aren't sure how to handle it?

Being assertive is an honest and appropriate expression of your feelings, opinions and needs. When you are assertive, you are able to let other people know, clearly and honestly, what you do and do not want, what you will or will not accept. You are open to other people's views even though they may be different from your own.

Assertiveness starts with being mindful. In any one situation or interaction with other people, you need to be aware of and acknowledge how you currently feel and what you do and don't want.

You need to be open and receptive to what other people think and feel so that when it's appropriate you can meet them halfway.