Humans are like radios

To gain some insight into this dilemma, imagine that you operate a radio station and that you send your signal out at 97.5. If one of your potential listeners has a radio tuned to 103.5, she won’t receive your signal. And it won’t matter how loud you broadcast or how fast you talk—she simply won’t hear you.

Now imagine that the person with whom you’re communicating, in a face-to-face discussion, is also a radio—his brain is the biological equivalent of the radio tuning knob! You’re job, then, is to figure out what “frequency” he uses to receive messages so that you can broadcast effectively.

So how do you do this? First, throw out The Golden Rule!

Instead, “Communicate with others as they wish to have you communicate with them.” In other words, find their frequency—determine how they receive and process information and tailor your approach, style, and content to fit their needs.

How difficult is this? Actually, it’s very easy in concept but very difficult in practice—something that we consider to be a high-level skill.

Nevertheless, as soon as you view others as unique receivers, you’ll already have—improved your ability to communicate. You can even make it a game or a challenge: How quickly can I find their frequency? Should I speak slowly or fast, be calm or animated, listen first or dive in…?

In their own way, through words, body language, tone of voice, and other means, the other person will let you know if you’re on the right frequency. Your job is to read the signals.