71. Accept Feedback Graciously
After reading this chapter, you should be on your way to skillfully giving meaningful feedback to your coworkers. The next question is how well do you receive feedback from others? Do you accept it graciously, or do you bristle when someone gives you negative feedback about your own performance? Keep in mind that other people may not be as skilled as you at giving feedback. Learn to accept feedback graciously, and you will improve your own skills.
Performance Prompts
It is important that you know how others perceive your actions and behaviors.
Be proactive, and ask for feedback from others.
You may want to begin by asking a trusted friend or coworker to provide realistic and unbiased feedback.
When asking, be specific about the skills or behaviors on which you want feedback.
When someone gives you feedback, listen without interrupting, disagreeing, or explaining.
Thank the person, no matter how the feedback was delivered.
Ask for clarification, if needed, and recap what you heard.
Do not defend or rationalize your behavior. Rather, say that you understand what the other person is saying.
If appropriate, wait to respond. It is fine to meet later to discuss the feedback. Analyze the feedback before deciding whether to accept it.
Be open to feedback. View any feedback as useful information.
Use feedback to create your own development plan, and ask your manager for help or advice when appropriate.
Learn not to take negative feedback personally. Now that you have a good idea how to give feedback, use those same principles when receiving feedback.
When This Happens ...
Eric stops you on your way to lunch. “I didn’t appreciate the way you talked to us during the meeting this morning. I think this whole appraisal deal stinks. And that goal sheet you had me write? I’ve been working for this company for four years, and I think I know how well I’m performing.”
Try This
Your first instinct is to rationalize why you came up with this new appraisal plan. Don’t. Eric is upset, and he will not be receptive right now. Rather, say “I appreciate the feedback, Eric. Are you saying you didn’t like the way I told you about the plan or that you don’t like that we’re starting an appraisal plan?” “I’m no kindergartner. I’m really teed off that you think we need to be appraised.” Aha. “OK, I understand how you feel. Why don’t the two of us talk about the situation this afternoon?” Now you have time to analyze Eric’s feedback and think about how you want to respond.
Before responding to negative feedback, put yourself in that person’s shoes. You will have a better understanding of that person’s motivation. This will help you to respond appropriately.