Chapter 3
IN THIS CHAPTER
Switching to the editor’s role
Reviewing the big picture
Assessing your writing’s readability
Avoiding pitfalls that undermine clarity and effect
If you expect to create a successful email, letter, or business document in just one shot, think again. Don’t ask so much of yourself. Few professional writers can accomplish a finished piece — whether they write novels, plays, articles, websites, or press releases — with their first draft. This especially includes writers known for their simplicity and easy reading.
Editing is how writers write. For them, writing and editing are inseparable because they wouldn’t dream of submitting work that is less than their best. Unfortunately, many people are intimidated by the notion of editing their work. But equipped with effective methods and techniques, you can edit with confidence. Mastering hundreds of grammar rules is not necessary to becoming a good editor. Know the clues that reveal where your writing needs work, and you can sharpen what you write so it accomplishes exactly what you want. This chapter gives you the groundwork.
The writer and editor roles reinforce each other:
Don’t expect to discard the editing process down the line as you further refine your writing abilities. Professional writers never stop relying on their editing skills, no matter how good they get at their craft.
Improving your editing abilities goes a long way toward improving the effect of everything you write. The following tools and tricks make you a more capable and confident self-editor.
You have three main ways to edit writing. Try each of the following and see which you prefer — but realize you can always switch your editing method to best suit a current writing task or timeline.
Before computers, both writers and editors worked with hard copy because it was the only choice. For about a century before computers, people wrote on typewriters, revised the results by hand, and then retyped the entire document. If you were reviewing printer’s proofs — preliminary versions of material to be printed — you used a shorthand set of symbols to tell the typesetter what to change.
These symbols offered uniformity; every editor and printer knew what they meant. Typing and printing processes have changed radically, but the marks are still used today and remain a helpful way for communicating text changes between people.
After you draft a document, you can simply read through it and make changes. Younger writers may never have considered any other system. With a few mouse clicks or keystrokes, you can substitute words and reorganize the material by cutting and pasting. The down side to this method of editing is that you’re left with no record of the change process. (See the next section for a useful alternative.)
When maintaining a copy of your original text matters, save your new version as a separate document. Amend its name to avoid hassle later, in case a series of revised versions develops.
Most word-processing software offers a handy feature to record every change you make to the text in a document. In Word 2016, choose Review, then choose Track Changes.
When you choose to track changes, all changes show up on the copy in a color other than black or in small text boxes off to the side (depending on your choice of screen view). Deletions appear as strikethrough text or off to the side.
The system takes some personal trial and error but provides a useful tool for your editing experiments.
When you’re tracking changes on an extensively edited document, you can end up with something quite complicated. You can spare yourself the nitty-gritty of every deletion and insertion by selecting to view as Final with All Your Proposed Changes Included. You don’t lose your edits; they’re just hidden from immediate view.
When you finish editing, save a version that shows the revisions, and then go back to the Review tab and choose Accept or Reject Changes. Accept all changes, or go through your document section by section or even sentence by sentence. You emerge with a clean copy; save this version separately from the original. Proof the new version carefully because new errors creep in when you edit.
Your best tool to achieve this distance is the one that cures all ills: time. Chapter 1 in this minibook suggests that for everything you write, allocate roughly one-third the available time to planning, one-third to drafting, and one-third to editing. But ideally, that last third isn’t in the same continuous time frame as the first two stages.
For short or less consequential messages, an hour or two between drafting and editing helps. A top-of-your-head email or text message that doesn’t seem important can still land you in a lot of trouble if you send it out without vetting. If an hour isn’t possible, just a quick trip to the coffee maker to stretch your legs can clear your mind and refresh your eyes.
So put the message away and then revisit it after a planned delay. When you return, you see your words with fresh eyes — an editor’s rather than the writer’s.
Your job when self-editing is to review what you wrote on two levels:
Start your edit with a big-picture review, using the fresh eyes and mind you gain by putting the piece aside for a while.
Read through the entire document and ask yourself the following:
Your objective answers to these nine questions may lead you to partially or substantially revamp your content. That’s fine — there’s no point working to improve the presentation until you have the right substance.
You may choose to do the big-picture revision right away, or plan for it and proceed to the second stage, which is the micro-level of editing, or crafting the words. It’s much easier to make the language more effective when you know exactly what message you want to deliver.
You have two ways to get instant, objective feedback on how well you used language.
In addition to telling you whether you achieved a conversational tone, the read-aloud test alerts you to eight specific problems common to poor writing. Solutions to four of these problems are in Chapter 2 in this minibook:
Problem 1: A sentence is so long it takes you more than one breath to get through it.
Solution: Break up or shorten the sentence.
Problem 2: You hear a monotonous pattern, with each sentence starting the same way.
Solution: Change some of the sentence structures so you alternate between long and short, simple and complex.
Problem 3: All or most sentences sound short and choppy, which creates an abrupt tone and dulls the content.
Solution: Combine some sentences to make reading the text smoother.
Problem 4: You stumble over words.
Solution: Replace those words with simpler ones, preferably words that are one or two syllables long.
The read-aloud method can reveal four additional challenges. Each problem is dealt with in greater detail in following sections. For now, here’s a quick overview:
Problem 5: You hear yourself using an up-and-down inflection to get through a sentence.
Solution: Make the sentence less complicated.
Problem 6: You hear repeat sounds produced by words ending in -ize, -ion, -ing, -ous, or another suffix.
Solution: Restructure the sentence.
Problem 7: You notice numerous prepositional phrases strung together.
Solution: Change your wording to make fewer prepositions necessary.
Problem 8: You hear words repeated in the same paragraph.
Solution: Find substitutes.
Everyone writes with his or her own patterns. The better handle you gain on your own patterns, the better your writing and the faster you achieve results.
Now for some detail on handling problems 5, 6, 7, and 8.
Fancy words, excess phrases, and awkward constructions force sentences into an unnatural pattern when read aloud. The effect is rather like the typical up-down-up-down inflection of the tattletale: I know who DID it.
Read the following sentence aloud and see what pattern you force on your voice:
All of the writing that is published is a representation of our company, so spelling and grammatical errors can make us look unprofessional and interfere with the public perception of us as competent businesspeople.
Simply scanning the sentences tips you off to its wordiness. This single sentence contains two phrases using of, two statements with the passive verb is, and three words ending in -ion. They produce an awkward, wordy construction. Plus, the sentence contains 34 words — far more than the average 18 recommended — and more than 5 words have three or more syllables (see Chapter 2 of this minibook).
You don’t need to be a linguistic rocket scientist to write a better sentence. Just go for simple and clear. Break up the long sentence. Get rid of the unnecessary words and phrases. Substitute shorter friendlier words. One way:
All our company’s writing represents us. Spelling and grammar errors make us look unprofessional and incompetent.
After you simplify, you can often find a third, even better way to write the sentence. A third pass may read:
When we make spelling and grammar mistakes, we look unprofessional and incompetent.
Big clues to wordy, ineffective sentences come with overused suffixes — words ending in -ing, -ive, -ion, -ent, -ous, and -y. Almost always, these words are three or more syllables and French or Latinate in origin. Several in a sentence make you sound pompous and stiff. They often force you into convoluted, passive constructions that weaken your writing and discourage readers. (See “Moving from Passive to Active,” later in this chapter, for more on activating passive construction.)
In the following sections, you see examples of overly suffixed wording and how to fix it. If you are unenthusiastic about grammar lessons, proceed happily: The goal is to help you develop a feel for well-put-together sentences and how to build them. After you notice problems, you can correct them without thinking about rules.
Consider this sentence:
An inspiring new idea is emerging from marshalling the evolving body of evidence.
One short sentence with four words ending in -ing! Read it aloud and you find yourself falling into that up-down inflection. You can fix it by trimming down to one -ing word:
An inspiring new idea emerges from the evidence.
Here’s a sentence written for this chapter:
Besides, there’s something more satisfying about physically editing your copy and using the universal markings.
The five words ending in -ing weren’t spotted until the third round of editing! After you see a problem like this, play with the words to eliminate it. Then check that it matches your original intent. The sentence was rewritten this way:
Besides, you may find it more satisfying to physically edit your copy with the universal marks.
If you edit someone else’s work, knowing the writer’s intent is harder. You may not understand what the author is going for, and then it’s all too easy to shift her meaning when you try to clarify. You may want to ask the author how to interpret what she wrote. Or make the changes and, as appropriate, check that they are okay with the writer. Don’t be surprised if he or she objects. The writer/editor relationship is often a tense and complicated one.
The following is cluttered with -ion words and incredibly dull:
To attract the attention of the local population, with the intention of promoting new construction, we should mention recent inventions that reduce noise pollution.
Reading aloud makes this sentence’s unfriendliness instantly clear. Also note that piling up lots of -ion words leads to a very awkward passive sentence structure.
The problem with too many -ion words can be more subtle, as in this sentence from an otherwise careful writer:
Whether they are organizing large demonstrations, talking with pedestrians in the street, or gathering signatures for a petition, their involvement was motivated by the realization that as individuals within a larger group, they had the potential to influence and bring about change.
In addition to two words with the -ion suffix, the sentence also contains three ending in -ing. The result is a rambling, hard to follow, and overly long sentence that feels abstract and distant. This sentence is challenging to fix. One way:
They organized large demonstrations, talked with pedestrians, and gathered signatures. Their motivation: knowing that as individuals, they could influence and bring about change.
Does it say exactly the same thing as the original? Perhaps not, but it’s close. And more likely to be read.
Notice that after the -ion and -ing words were cut down, some of the cluttery phrases become more obvious.
Similarly to -ion and -ing words, more than one -ize per sentence works against you.
He intended to utilize the equipment to maximize the profit and minimize the workforce.
Modern business language keeps inventing -ize words, essentially creating new verbs from nouns. Incentivize is a good example. Consider this quote from a government official that appeared in a newspaper article:
It would be a true homage to her memory if we are able to channelize these emotions into a constructive course of action.
Aside from the fact that channel is better than channelize for the purpose, note how made-up, long words are typically embedded in abstract, verbose thinking.
Words with the -ent, -ly, or -ous suffixes are usually complicated versions of words available in simpler forms.
A silly example that combines all these forms shows how using long words forces you into that unnatural rhythm, passive structure, and wordy phrases full of unnecessary prepositional phrases.
Continuous investment in the pretentiously conceived strategic plan recently proved to be an impediment to the actualization and inadvertently triggered the anomaly.
But research is under way to correlate good writing and communication with the bottom line. Towers Watson, a global management-consulting firm, conducts high-profile surveys on the financial impact of effective communication, and the American Management Association is interested in the ROI-writing connection. Meanwhile, the lesson is clear: Don’t write in empty business-speak — it won’t reward you.
Extra words that don’t support your meaning dilute writing strength. Aim for concise. Use the set of clues described in the previous sections and zero in on individual sentences for ways to tighten. Here’s a case in point:
With the use of this new and unique idea, it will increase the profits for the magazine in that particular month.
Extra words hurt the sentence’s readability and grammar. Even though the sentence is fairly short already, it manages to jam in two prepositions (of and for), an altogether useless phrase (with the use of), and an unnecessary word repetition — new and unique. Of course, the sentence construction is confusing as a result. A better version:
This new idea will increase the magazine’s profits in that particular month.
An objective look at your sentences may reveal words and phrases that obviously repeat the same idea. Here’s a sentence written for this chapter, which talks about editing hard copy from a computer printout.
Of course, you must then transfer your changes to the original on your computer.
In context, the original document was clearly on the computer, so the unnecessary phrase was cut:
Of course, you must then transfer the changes to your computer.
Consider this explanation of how Track Changes works:
Now when you make a change, the alteration is indicated in a color and any deletion is shown on the right.
The rewrite:
Your changes then show up in color, and deletions appear outside the text on the far right.
The revision works better because it eliminates unnecessary words and with them, the passive construction of alteration is indicated and deletion is shown.
Wordy |
Better |
at this time |
now |
for the purpose of |
for, or to |
in accordance with |
under |
in an effort to |
to |
in order to |
to |
in regard to |
about |
in the amount of |
for |
in the event of |
if |
in the near future |
soon |
is indicative of |
indicates |
is representative of |
represents |
on a daily basis |
daily |
Most people write too passively. They use too many verbs that are forms of to be, which force sentences into convoluted shapes that are hard for readers to untangle. Worse, all those to be verbs make writing so dull that many readers don’t even want to try. Chapter 2 in this minibook describes passive verbs in context of writing. This section covers the topic from the editing angle.
The solution in every case is the same: Figure out who does what, and rephrase the idea accordingly:
Verbs endings with -en raise the same red flag as those ending in -ed. For example, I will be taken to Washington by an India Airways plane is better expressed as An India Airways plane will fly me to Washington.
At other times, think of a more interesting verb entirely:
Check out the following examples and improvements:
In every case, using an active verb does the trick, and almost all reworked sentences are in the present tense.
Like the to be verbs, using the various forms of the verb to have signals lazy writing. Find substitute words as often as possible. A few examples and possible rewrites:
Despite all the reasons for minimizing passive sentences, passive verbs are not bad. You need them on occasions when the actor is obvious, unknown, unimportant, or the punch line. For example:
You can also make a case for using the passive voice when you need to frame a message in terms of you rather than we or I. When writing to a customer, for example, you may be more effective to begin as follows:
Your satisfaction with the product is what we care about most.
Rather than this:
We care most about your satisfaction with the product.
The second statement gives the impression that it’s all about us. Of course, don’t write an entire letter like the first opening — just the first sentence.
The passive is also useful when you don’t want to sound accusatory. The bill has not been paid is more neutral than You failed to pay the bill.
Relying on words that have little meaning wastes valuable message space and slows down reading. Overused expressions also dilute the effect, and insider language can confuse outside readers. Jargon, clichés, and unhelpful adjectives are hallmarks of unsuccessful business writing.
Almost every specialized profession has its jargon: terminology and symbols that shortcut communication and, in some cases, make group members feel more professional and inside. If a physicist is writing to other physicists, she doesn’t need to spell out the formulas, symbols, and technical language. Her audience shares a common knowledge base.
Similarly, a lawyer can write to colleagues in the peculiar language he and his peers mastered through education and practice. A musician can exchange performance notes with other musicians in a way that means little to non-musicians.
But business writers face an additional challenge. A specialized, jargon-laden language flourishes full of buzzwords that mean little — even to those who use it. For example, a technology company states in a publication:
These visible IT capabilities along with IT participation in the project identification process can drive the infusion of IT leverage on revenue improvement in much the same way as IT has leveraged cost cutting and efficiency.
What does it mean? Who knows? All too often, corporate writers string together a set of buzzwords and clichés that communicate little beyond a reluctance to think.
Citigroup today announced a series of repositioning actions that will further reduce expenses and improve efficiency across the company while maintaining Citi’s unique capabilities to serve clients, especially in the emerging markets. These actions will result in increased business efficiency, streamlined operations, and an optimized consumer footprint across geographies.
Translation: We’re firing a lot of people to improve our numbers.
To avoid producing empty business-speak, steer clear of words and phrases such as the following:
Jargon can be seen as business-world clichés. English, like all languages, has an enormous trove of general clichés, expressions that are so overused they may lose their effect. A few random examples that can turn up in business communication: All’s well that ends well, barking up the wrong tree, beat around the bush, nice guys finish last, a stitch in time, read between the lines.
Clichés are so numerous they often seem hard to avoid. Often they’re idioms, a popular shorthand was of communicating ideas, found in every language. And they can be used well in context. But be on the lookout for any that don’t carry your meaning or that trivialize it. Instead, say what you want more simply, or perhaps develop an original comparison, described in Chapter 2 in this minibook. And never forget that idioms and clichés are rarely understood by non-native English speakers, so try to avoid them when writing to these audiences.
The best advice on using descriptive words — adjectives and adverbs — came from the great nineteenth-century American novelist Mark Twain:
Twain wrote this advice in 1880 to a 12-year-old boy who sent him a school essay, but he’s right on target for today’s business communicators.
If depending on buzzwords and clichés is Sin #1 of empty business-speak, overuse of adjectives is Sin #2. Consider, for example,
The newest, most innovative, cutting-edge solution to the ultimate twenty-first century challenges …
What, another solution?
In business writing, show, don’t tell means giving your audience substance and detail: facts, ideas, statistics, examples — whatever it takes to prove they need your product or idea. Stating that something is innovative proves nothing. Adding an adverb, such as very innovative, just multiplies the emptiness.
Take a piece of marketing or website copy, either your own or someone else’s, and highlight all the adjectives and adverbs. Then eliminate most or all of the words you identified. Examine what’s left. Does it say anything meaningful? If not, can you replace the copy with something real?
Welcome opportunities to replace empty rhetoric with substance! There’s no substitute for good content. Use good writing techniques (as presented throughout this book) to make that content clear, straightforward, and lively.
In Chapter 4 in this minibook, you move from sentence building to creating solid paragraphs, solving organization problems, using strong transitions, and fixing the technical problems that typically handicap many business writers.
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