Writing subject lines that get your message read

Take another look at your inbox and scan the subject lines. Note which ones you opened and why. Most of them probably fall into one of these categories:

• Must-read because of essential information:
• Subject: New location, May 3rd meeting
• Must-read because of urgency:
• Decision on Plan A needed today
• Must-read because of who the writer is (in which case, the From matters, too):
• From: President White
• Subject: Department reorganization planned
• Want-to-read because you need the information or it may be valuable:
• Subject: Free tools to recover deleted files
• Want-to-read because it looks like a good deal:
• Subject: Lowest iPhone price ever
• Want-to-read because it’s from a trusted source:
• From: Kickstarter
• Subject: Projects we love: mobile murals
• Want-to-read because it sounds interesting or fun:
• From: Bronx Zoo
• Subject: Come see our tiger cubs!

Few messages are required reading. Your challenge in writing email subject lines is to zero in on what’s most likely to concern or interest your reader. But you must always be fair. Don’t promise something in the package that isn’t there after your reader opens it.

To create a good subject line that keeps fingers off that Delete key:

1. Figure out what’s most relevant to your reader in the message — why the person should care.
2. Think of the most concise way of saying it.
3. Put the key words as far to the left as possible so your recipient understands the meat of your message quickly and easily.

Subject lines work best when they’re as specific as possible. Here are two examples of emails you probably wouldn’t open because the subject lines are too vague and general to capture your interest, along with suggestions for improving the message:

• Poor: Important question
• Better: Where is tomorrow’s workshop?
• Poor: June newsletter
• Better: New Twitter techniques in June issue

Ensuring that the most important words appear in your recipient’s inbox window and aren’t cut off for lack of space — or because the person is reading on a smartphone or other handheld device — is worth the thought every time. Very few people pay attention to this simple principle, so build this habit to reap a big advantage.

Following are a few examples of truncated subject lines from emails:

• The Coach’s Corner: 9 ways to …
• Did you ever wish that y …
• Express yourself with a perso …

Suppose that the full subject line for the last one was Express yourself with a personalized dish. Had the line begun Your personalized dish, or Your name on stoneware, you might have opened the email.

Investing in good, accurate subject lines always rewards you. You may not be able to deliver the whole of your subject in the limited amount of characters your recipient’s inbox allows, but try to get the gist across. Ordinarily, you needn’t aim to be clever; but if the message is important, spend some time to make the first few words intriguing.

If you can’t come up with a tight subject line that communicates the core of your message, consider the possibility that your message may not have a core — or any meaning at all — to your reader. Review both the subject line and the entire message to see whether you’re clear on why you’re writing and what outcome you want.

Be sure to review your subject line after you write the message. You may shift tack in the course of writing. In fact, the writing process can lead you to think through your reason for creating the message and how to best make your case. Drafting the message first and then distilling the subject line is often easier.

Don’t be lazy about changing the subject lines of long message threads. If you don’t, people may overlook your new input. Later, both you and the recipient may be frustrated when looking for a specific message. Try for some continuity, however, so it doesn’t look like a different topic. If the first email of a series is identified as Ideas for Farber proposal, for example, a new subject line might say Farber proposal update November 3. Keep the subject lines obviously relevant to everyone concerned.

Most people use email as their personal database to draw on as needed, so always label messages in ways that make them findable.

Using salutations that suit

The greeting you use is also part of the lead. Draw on a limited repertoire developed for letters:

• Dear
• Hi
• Hello

You can use Greetings or something else, but be sure it doesn’t feel pretentious.

Follow with first name or last as appropriate, using the necessary title (Miss, Ms., Mrs., Mr.). For the plural, Mesdames and Messieurs are over the top for English speakers. For groups, you can sometimes come up with an aggregate title, such as Dear Software X Users, Dear Subscribers, or Hi Team. Don’t be homey or quirky. Using folks, for example, can grate on people. Avoid generalizations such as Dear Customer if you’re writing to an individual. These days, people expect to be addressed by name.

Often, people who know each other well or are transacting business in a series of emails dispense with the title, and simply start the message with the person’s name — for example, John. That’s fine if doing so feels comfortable. In general, don’t omit a name and plunge right into your message because you’ll miss an important chance to personalize. You can, however, build a name into the opening line, as in, I haven’t heard from you in a while, Jerry, so thought I’d check where things stand.

Drafting a strong email lead

The first sentence or two of your message should accomplish the same goal as the lead of a newspaper article: Attract your readers’ attention, present the heart of what you want to say, and give them a reason to care. Plus, you need to tell readers what you want.

Because email leads usually include the same information that appears in the subject line, try not to repeat the same wording or the same information. Email copy occupies valuable real estate. Your best chance of enticing people to read the entire message is to make the lead and everything that follows tight.

Your email lead can consist of one sentence, two sentences, or a paragraph, as needed. When the subject line clearly suggests your focus, you can pick up the thread. For example:

• Subject: Preparing for the August meeting
• Hi Jenn,
• Since we need the materials for the Willow conference in less than a week, I’d like to review their status with you ASAP.

Often you need a context or clarifying sentence before you get to your request:

• Subject: Timing on design hire
• Hilary, you mentioned that you’d like to bring in a graphic designer to work on the stockholder report ASAP. However, I won’t be able to supply finished copy until April 3rd.

Note how quickly both of these messages get to the point. Your everyday in-house messages should nearly always do so, whether addressed to peers, subordinates, or immediate supervisors. But never sacrifice courtesy. The right tone is essential to make your message work. That topic is described later in the sidebar “Finding the right tone for email.”

In the case of messages to people outside your department or company, you often need to include more framing. Suppose you’re responsible for fielding customer complaints and must write to an irate woman who claims your company sold her a defective appliance:

• Dear Ms. Black,
• Your letter about your disappointment with the new Magnaline blender has been brought to my attention. I am happy to help resolve the problem.

A good subject line and lead rarely just happen: You achieve them by thoughtful planning. That doesn’t mean you can’t draft the complete email and then go back and strengthen or change the lead. In fact, you may prefer to figure out the main point through the writing process itself. Just be sure you leave time to edit when you proceed that way. See this minibook’s Chapters 3 and 4 for more on editing and revising.

Clarifying your goals

Email often seems like a practical tool for getting things done. You write to arrange a meeting, receive or deliver information, change an appointment, request help, ask or answer a question, and so on. But even simple messages call for some delving into what you really want.

Consider Amy, a new junior member of the department, who hears that an important staff meeting was held and she wasn’t invited. She could write the following:

Tom, I am so distressed to know I was excluded from the staff meeting last Thursday. Was it just an oversight, or should I take it as a sign that you think my contribution has no value?

Bad move! Presenting herself as an easily offended childish whiner undermines what she really wants — to improve her positioning in the department. Instead of using the opportunity to vent, Amy can take a dispassionate look at the situation and build a message that serves her true goal:

Tom, I respectfully request that I be included in future department meetings. I am eager to learn everything I can about how we operate so I can do my work more efficiently and contribute more. I’d appreciate the opportunity to better understand department thinking and initiatives.

With external communication, knowing your goal is just as important. For example, if you’re responsible for answering customer complaints about defective appliances and believe your goal is to make an unhappy customer go away, you can write:

We regret your dissatisfaction, but yours is the only complaint we have ever received. We suggest you review the operating manual.

If you assume your job is to mollify the customer on a just-enough level, you may say:

We’re sorry it doesn’t work. Use the enclosed label to ship it back to us, and we’ll repair it within six months.

But if your acknowledged goal is to retain this customer as a future buyer of company products while generating good word of mouth and maybe even positive rather than negative tweets, you’re best off writing this:

We’re so sorry to hear the product didn’t work as you hoped. We’re shipping you a new one today. I’m sure you’ll be happy with it, but if not, please call me right away at my direct phone number …

For both Amy’s and the customer service scenarios, keeping your true, higher goals in mind often leads you to create different messages. The thinking is big picture and future-oriented: In Amy’s case, the higher purpose is to build a relationship of trust and value with a supervisor and gain opportunities. In the unhappy customer case, you want to reverse a negative situation and cultivate a loyal long-term customer.

Be the best person you can in every message you send. Every email is a building block for your reputation and future. And email is never private: Electronic magic means your message can go anywhere anyone wants to send it — and you can’t erase it, ever.

Assessing what matters about your audience

After you’re clear on what you want to accomplish with your email, think about your audience — the person or group to whom you’re writing. One message, one style does not fit all occasions and individuals. As you discover in Chapter 1 in this minibook, when you ask someone to do something for you in person, you instinctively choose the best arguments to make your case. You adapt your arguments as you go along according to the other person’s reactions — her words, body language, expression, tone of voice, inflection, and all the other tiny clues that tell you how the other person is receiving your message in the moment you’re delivering it.

An email message, of course, provides no visual or oral feedback. Your words are on their own. So your job is to think through how your reader is most likely to respond and then base what you write on that.

Anticipating a reader’s reaction can take a little imagination. You may find you’re good at it. Try holding a two-way conversation in your head with the person. Observe what she says and how she says it. Note any areas of resistance and other clues.

You also have another surefire way to predict your reader’s reaction: Systematically consider the most relevant factors about that person or group. Chapter 1 in this minibook gives you a comprehensive list of factors that may relate to what you want to accomplish.

Do you need to consider so many aspects when you’re drafting every email? No, if your goal is really simple, such as a request to meet. But even then, you’re better off knowing whether this particular recipient needs a clear reason to spend time with you, how much notice she prefers, if she already has set feelings about the subject you want to discuss, and so on. You can tilt the result in your favor — even for a seemingly minor request — by taking account of such things.

The more major your message is, the more factors you may need to consider. Or perhaps just one facet of the person’s situation or personality may be overwhelmingly important. To shape the right message, check out the section on knowing your reader in Book 6, Chapter 1 for what’s relevant to the person and the case at hand. Think about the factors that are most relevant in the context of what you’re asking for.

Audience analysis becomes instinctive with practice. And your better results soon reinforce its value.

Certain characteristics are always important. Considering your reader’s age, for example, may seem rude or politically incorrect, but business writers beware — especially with emails. Different generations have genuinely different attitudes toward work, communications, rewards, authority, career development, and much more. If you’re a Generation Y’er (born after 1980) or Generation X’er (born 1965 to 1980), you need to understand the Boomer’s (born 1946 to 1964) need for respect, hierarchical thinking, correct grammar, courtesy, in-person communication, and more. This topic is described fully in Book 6, Chapter 1.

We often ask participants in writing workshops to create detailed profiles of their immediate supervisors. Pretend that you’re an undercover agent and you’re asked to file a report on the person you report to. Take 20 minutes and see what you can put together. First scan the demographic, psychographic, positioning, and personality traits outlined in Book 6, Chapter 1 and list those you think seem relevant to defining that person (for example, age, position, information preferences, hot buttons, and decision-making style). Then fill in what you know or intuit about the person under each category. You’ll probably find that you understand far more about your boss than you think.

Read through the completed profile and you’ll see major clues on how to communicate with that important person on a routine basis, as well as how to work with her successfully overall and make yourself more highly valued. You may uncover ways to strengthen your relationship or even turn it around.

Suppose you’re inviting your immediate supervisor, Jane, to a staff meeting where you plan to present an idea for a new project. You hope to persuade her that your project is worth the resources to make it happen. First clarify your goal or set of goals. Perhaps, in no particular order, you aim to do the following:

• Obtain Jane’s buy-in and endorsement
• Get input on project tweaks sooner rather than later
• Gain the resources you need for the project
• Demonstrate what a terrific asset you are (a constant)

You know Jane is heavily scheduled and the invite must convince her to reserve the time. What factors about her should you consider? Your analysis may suggest the following:

• Demographics: Jane is young for her position, and the first woman to hold that job. Observation supports the idea that she feels pressured to prove herself. She drives herself hard and works 60-hour weeks.
• Psychographics: She is famously pro-technology, a true believer, and an early adaptor.
• Positioning: She has the authority to approve a pilot program but probably not more. She is most likely being groomed for higher positions and is closely monitored.
• Personality/communication style: She likes statistics. She likes evidence. She’s an impatient listener who makes decisions when she feels she has just enough information. Her hottest button is being able to show her own manager that she’s boosted her department’s numbers. How to do that probably keeps her up at night, along with how to impress her boss for her next promotion. She takes risks if she feels reasonably sheltered from bad consequences.

Presto! With these four points, you have a reader profile to help you write Jane a must-come email — and even more importantly, a guide that enables you to structure a meeting that accomplishes what you want.

Determining the best content for emails

After you know your goal and audience, you have the groundwork in place for good content decisions. You know how to judge what information is likely to lead the person or group to respond the way you want. (See Chapter 1 in this minibook for guidance on how to address groups and construct a reader who epitomizes that group.)

To figure out what you need to say, play a matching game: What information, facts, ideas, statistics, and so on will engage the person and dispose her to say yes?

Think about audience benefits. This important marketing concept applies to all persuasive pitches. Benefits speak to the underlying reasons you want something. A dress, for example, possesses features such as color, style, and craftsmanship, but the benefit is that it makes the wearer feel beautiful. When you’re planning a message and want it to succeed, think about the audience and goal, and write down your first ideas about matching points and benefits.

For example, to draw Jane from the preceding section to that meeting, the list may include the following based on your analysis:

• Evidence that the idea works well somewhere else
• Information on how cutting-edge technology will be used
• Potential for the idea to solve a major problem for the department
• Suggestion that other parts of the company will also be interested and impressed

Many other ideas may be relevant — such as it’s great for the environment, and it gives people more free time — but probably not to Jane.

Monitoring length and breadth

Keep emails to fewer than 300 words and stick to one idea or question. Three hundred words can go a long way (the memo to draw Jane to the meeting in the previous section was less than 150 words).

Such limits are hard to consistently observe, but you’re wise to remember how short people’s attention spans are, especially for online reading. That’s why you benefit from knowing your central point or request, and opening with it. Don’t bury it as a grand conclusion. Nor should you bury any important secondary questions at the end.

Aim to make emails as brief and tight as you can. If your message starts to grow too much, reconsider whether email is the appropriate format. You may choose to use the message as a cover note and attach the full document. Or you may want to break the message into components to send separately over a reasonable space of time. But realize that you risk losing your audience if you send a series of messages.

Styling it right

Choose words and phrases that are conversational, friendly, businesslike, and unequivocally clear. Email is not the place for fanciful language and invention. Put your energy into the content and structure of your message.

Try to make your presentation transparent, eliminating all barriers to understanding. Your messages may end up less colorful than they could be, and that’s okay. Clear, concise language is especially relevant to messages directed at overseas audiences.

Going short: Words, sentences, paragraphs

The business writing guidelines presented in Chapter 2 in this minibook apply even more intensely to email. You want your message to be readable and understood in the smallest possible amount of time.

Draw on the plain old Anglo-Saxon word stock, mostly one-syllable words. Use two-syllable words when they express ideas better, use three syllables when they’re the best choice, but reserve more lengthy and complex words for when they serve a real purpose.

Short sentences work for the same reason. Aim for 10 to 15 words on average. Paragraphs should contain one to three sentences to support comprehension and build in helpful white space.

Using graphic techniques to promote clarity

The graphic techniques discussed here don’t require special software or a degree in fine arts. They’re simply ways to visually present information and make your writing more organized and accessible.

Do everything you can to incorporate generous white space (areas with no text or graphics) into your writing. Don’t crowd your messages and leave them (and the reader) gasping for air. White space allows the eye to rest and focuses emphasis where you want it.

Using the signature block

Contact information these days can be complex. Typically you want people to find you by email or telephone. Plus there’s your tagline. Your company name. Your website. Your blog. The book you wrote. The published article. Twitter. Facebook. LinkedIn. Professional affiliations and offices.

Decide on a few things you most want to call attention to and refrain from adding the rest. Better yet, create several signature blocks for different audiences. Then you can select the most appropriate one for the people to whom you’re writing. Don’t include your full signature block every time you respond to a message, especially if you incorporate a logo, which arrives as an attachment. Check your email program’s settings so the automatic signature is minimal or absent.