ACTIVITY 4
Make the Connection

“I define connection as the energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued; when they can give and receive without judgment; and when they derive sustenance and strength from the relationship.”

—Brené Brown

***

Every workplace has varying degrees of diversity—from the most obvious of race, age, gender, and culture to the sometimes less obvious of education, experience, socio-economic background, and ability. It's pretty much impossible to get through the day without encountering someone different from you. We often miss out on the rich experiences of getting to know our co-workers in the quest for meaningful work or just getting through the shift. To-do lists, priorities, meetings, deliverables, deadlines, setbacks—you name it, all are part of just getting through the day. Our focus is on what we're doing and not on who we're doing it with. Since a great portion of our day is consumed at work, one may consider it a no-brainer to develop relationships. By nature, we are social beings. Connecting with one another makes the work more meaningful and more enjoyable and supports the organization's bottom line as good working relationships are paramount in getting the work done. The stronger the relationship, the more comfortable we are in being ourselves, voicing our opinions, and contributing ideas. Good working relationships also provide peace of mind. Consider the emotional toll of working with a colleague that you find difficult. The effort spent in avoiding the individual, strategizing on how to spend as little time as possible in their presence, and lamenting about the messed up situation is energy you can never get back.

When building relationships, especially social ones, naturally we seek people who are like us. We prefer lunch, watercooler chats, and instant messaging with folks around the same age, who share our world views, race, gender, or class, or come from our hometown. In the workplace it is unrealistic to expect that you'll have relationships with only the people who are like you. The process of getting the work done demands working across differences. While you may have figured out how to peacefully coexist with colleagues who are very different from you, that's not the same as connecting and developing interpersonal relationships. It's in this space that relationship development requires more energy as you shift from seeing difference as a problem to valuing it as a strength. True success is an interdependent relationship, and the relationship is the building block of inclusion, which helps us embrace diversity. It's essential that we build relationships where we feel connected to one another as we partner toward a shared goal. The connection matters more than you may think and even more so for our colleagues who work remotely. Connection creates a bond between people when they feel seen and valued. It gives us a sense of belonging in a group, a sense of identity in distinction to others, and a sense of purpose in being a part of something bigger than ourselves. Chanel was hired right out of college to join a team of five sales representatives for a software company. She graduated magna cum laude in mathematics and racked up years of experience working her way through school. She was the only person of color on the team and one of several in a companywide staff of 75. Susan, her manager, believed Chanel's analytical skills and service-oriented background would be an asset to the team as they expanded into new markets. Chanel would bring a much-needed fresh perspective in support of team goals. Susan's expectations might have been met as Chanel proved herself by bringing her A game each day, learning the product inside out, and was exceeding goals by her fourth month; except Susan had not prepared the team to cultivate a relationship with Chanel. She never had to. The team was homogenous and survived on groupthink. A practice described by Psychology Today as “a phenomenon that occurs when a group of well-intentioned people makes irrational or non-optimal decisions spurred by the urge to conform or the belief that dissent is impossible. The problematic or premature consensus that is characteristic of groupthink may be fueled by a particular agenda—or it may be due to group members valuing harmony and coherence above critical thought.”

Though Chanel worked alongside them, she felt isolated and disconnected. She struggled to fully understand her role and how to contribute to the team's success. While Chanel was highly productive, the team was missing out on her insights, and Susan couldn't figure out why. Chanel approached Susan about her feelings of isolation and not feeling part of the team, and Susan knew something needed to change in order to maximize the team's potential. They devised a plan where the team met weekly to discuss one another's sale opportunities and challenges and explore solutions, and Susan was intentional about making space for Chanel in the conversations. In addition, Susan partnered her with a peer, Brad. His role was to provide context to the team dynamic and shed light on cultural norms and unspoken rules. Over time, the team got to know each other on an interpersonal level. The challenges of one became the challenge of all as they continued to work toward goals. The new structure facilitated connection and camaraderie and positioned them to leverage one another's strengths.

It's important to make a conscious effort to expand your circle and get to know others. Look for opportunities. They're everywhere. For example, during the next team meeting or company event, introduce yourself to folks whom you rarely encounter of a different race, age, gender, or other visible difference. Be genuine. Strive to make the connection. A new point of view awaits. Mentoring or reverse mentoring opportunities may present themselves. The exposure to new people has its advantages. We never know who is going to inspire our next big idea or who we will inspire. Champions of inclusion understand what exclusion can mean to the everyday experiences of co-workers and transform good intentions into meaningful connections.

Actions

Expose Yourself to Difference

When making social plans, choose to attend events that cater to people and interests different from your own, and strive to connect to at least one person.

We tend to seek advice or collaborate with those who are like us. Today, make it a point to seek the point of view of someone who is not like you at all. Strengthen the connection with a “tell me more” attitude.

Connect to the Issues

Learn from those actively involved in driving change. Follow people who are different from you on social media to get a sense of what is going on in communities of difference and the work being done. The exposure will identify movements that you can connect your efforts to. Check out Sybrina Fulton, social change activist; Minda Harts, workplace and equity consultant; and Stacey Abrams, voting rights activist.

Facilitate Connections

Make time to foster and facilitate connections with co-workers on other teams and departments, and don't forget about remote colleagues. In the process we not only create and expand our network, but we also do the same for others. Bring folks together whom you believe have synergies or are working to solve similar problems. Mutually beneficial connections cultivate inclusion.

Adjust Your Lens

Shifting our point of view allows us to see things in a whole new light. Ever notice that when you are too close or too far away from an object that it's difficult to discern what it is and how to respond? If we don't adjust the angles when we are in the unfamiliar territory of fostering inclusion, we make assumptions, repeat patterns, and easily miss opportunities in plain sight.

Action Accelerators

Leverage these resources to enhance your knowledge and increase the effectiveness of your actions:

 

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