“The cost of liberty is less than the price of repression.”

—W. E. B. Du Bois

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Those of us who grew up with at least one sibling may have experienced times of partaking in the exact behavior as our brother or sister only to be chastised for it, while our sibling continued to get away with the behavior without consequence. Daughters may have been given earlier curfews than sons. The eldest sister may have been prohibited from wearing makeup until 16 years of age, but when the younger sister turned 13, mom gifted her a makeup palette. Perhaps a low report card grade earns one sibling a loss of phone privileges for a month while the other is advised to “do better next time.” Growing up, my love of designer clothing and shopping was shared by both my sister and me. However, my parents were very judgmental of my spending habits but looked the other way when she splurged as if it were no big deal. Children feel helpless when they are victimized by double standards whether it occurs at home or school. How does one discern fairness and expectations when rules are not consistent? For kids, it's confusing at best and painful at worst when adults unintentionally send signals that double standards are the norm. When questioned by the young and impressionable mind, adults defend their decisions by providing a flimsy justification, denying the accusation, or becoming hostile for being called out. Regardless of their logic in imposing the double standard, it still felt unfair. The workplace is also littered with double standards. Dictionary.Cambridge.org offers two definitions:

• The habit of treating one group differently than another when both groups should be treated the same
• A rule or standard of good behavior that, unfairly, some people are expected to follow or achieve but other people are not

This unfair application typically leads to the repression of a group or individual. While working as a store manager for a national retailer, I was supposed to adhere to a strict dress code defining my attire from head to toe. For the most part, peers followed the code with little deviation. Over the months I noticed colleagues enhancing the otherwise mundane look with personal accents like swapping black shoelaces for white ones, or the black belt with black buckle for a black belt with a gold buckle. Not being a fan of the dress code and following the lead of my more tenured peers, I made a few subtle substitutes of my own. I actually enjoyed the work more when I expressed my individuality. One afternoon at the beginning of my shift, my boss beckoned me to enter his office and to close the door. He presented me with a document informing me of my misconduct in not adhering to the dress code. After he confirmed that I was in fact aware of, and understood, the dress code, he insisted that I sign the document. When I refused, citing that I was simply following the lead of his other direct reports and assumed the small adjustments were acceptable, he claimed to never have noticed their deviations and informed me that whether I agreed, disagreed, signed, or didn't sign, the document would become part of my personnel file. I could not convince him to see the circumstances from my perspective and felt singled out. As soon as the encounter ended, I contacted a few peers whom I could trust to inquire whether they had the same experience. As a member on a racially and gender-diverse team of 12 who reported to an African American male, I could not make sense of being singled out. The men were surprised that it happened. Of the two women, one shared that she never deviated from the code and the other, who happened to be White, shared that she had been given only a verbal warning. Aha! So, my boss had noticed, at least once, but chose not to give me a verbal warning and, for some reason, opted for something harsher. His actions convinced me that he was sexist at the very least. I'd never fancied his style of leadership, and on that day he lost his credibility and acceptance as a trustworthy leader. No one can work to their full potential under a leader who employs double standards in decision-making—unless, of course, they are a beneficiary. Leaders are not the only culprits. Peers and colleagues are guilty as well when they manipulate, distort, and omit details or use selective memory to fit an agenda favoring one group or individual over another. Double standards in the workplace are inevitable as most of us have either had to navigate them or employed them from a young age; and while everyone agrees that they are harmful, they are practiced nonetheless and sometimes at an unconscious level.

As the workforce continues to become more diverse, the perception of intelligence, professionalism, and leadership qualities continue to default to White males in many industries as biases and prejudice prevail. Conversely, women and members of marginalized groups tend to be undervalued and held to different or higher standards than their White, cisgendered, heterosexual, male counterparts and can be judged or criticized for exhibiting identical behaviors. In many cases, the difference is based on cultural upbringing. For example, women are perceived as nurturers, and when they opt to exhibit more masculine tendencies to be viewed as a credible leader, they are deemed rude or abrasive. It's as if women have to be one or the other but can't be both. How people regard or perceive one another makes a big difference in relationship building, inclusion, and belonging. When a White male is assertive, he's the boss. When a woman is assertive, she's bossy. When a White male exhibits strong feelings about a topic, he's passionate. When a Black male expresses the same sentiment, he's angry and advised to adjust his tone. Double standards affect our perception of competence. When a man's hair starts to gray, he is considered more distinguished and credible, while women are viewed as aging and thus less competent. Women never seem to be the right age. We are either too young to be taken seriously or too old. Many believe that the more attractive the woman, the less intelligent she must be, and she is thought of as a bimbo. Attractive men perceived as less intelligent enjoy a jock or stud status without question of their ability to do their job. If a woman is both attractive and successful, she must have slept her way to the top. When a man is attractive and successful, no one credits his success to his looks but more his talent. A man's neutral facial expression demonstrates strength, when women are advised to smile more to erase the “resting bitch face” expression. Folks are quick to agree that Black, Brown, and LGBTQ individuals deserve equal rights, equal access, and equal opportunity, yet those are all denied when they are held to different standards. While strides have been made with diversity in the workplace, inclusion is ultimately hindered as the goalpost shifts when double standards are at play. The next time you catch yourself referring to a female colleague as bossy or questioning how she achieved her position or advising a co-worker of color to tone down their level of intensity, that's cause to pause and question belief systems as gender and racial stereotypes remain firmly entrenched. We must also consider the personal impact of mistrust and resentment when our co-workers take note. Champions of inclusion work by a standard of trust over double standards and maintain a mindset of fairness to all even when it's not convenient. When considering common double standards in the workplace (see Figure 39.1), it's worth pointing out that women of color experience double standards based on skin color as well as gender.

Actions

Action Accelerators

• SHRM.org: “Barriers for Black Professionals,” by Lisa Rabasca Roepe: www.shrm.org/hr-today/news/all-things-work/pages/racism-corporate-america.aspx
• NPR.org: How to Survive in a Mostly White Workplace: Tips for Marginalized Employees,” by Andee Tagle and Anjuli Sastry Krbechek: www.npr.org/2020/09/10/911464100/how-to-survive-in-a-mostly-white-workplace-tips-for-marginalized-employees
• Forbes.com: “Not Very Likeable: Here Is How Bias Is Affecting Women Leaders”: www.forbes.com/sites/pragyaagarwaleurope/2018/10/23/not-very-likeable-here-is-how-bias-is-affecting-women-leaders/?sh=2e0d03ce295f
• YouTube.com: Girl boss—Navigating the double-standard of gender + power: www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ff5ieaomk3c&t=17s
• HBR.org: “How Female Leaders Should Handle Double-Standards,” by Herminia Ibarra: hbr.org/2013/02/how-female-leaders-should-handle-double-standards