“I have no right, by anything I do or say, to demean a human being in his own eyes. What matters is not what I think of him; it is what he thinks of himself. To undermine a man's self-respect is a sin.”

—Antoine de Saint-Exupery

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You've probably heard the phrase “If you see something, say something.” It was developed by the Department of Homeland Security in 2010, and serves to encourage the public to protect our country. While the phrase was created to raise our awareness of the signs of terrorism and terrorist-related acts, it also serves to show the importance of reporting actions and behaviors that cause concern. When we use this motto in the workplace, we can help protect co-workers from sexist and racists acts, discrimination, and harassment.

There are many who, if asked, would say they are supporters and allies in the fight for equality. They will claim to not be racist, sexist, homophobic, or xenophobic and that it's impossible for them to express discriminatory beliefs because they don't have them. And while that mindset is a starting point, folks may mistakenly believe that because they are not intentionally perpetuating inequality in the workplace that they are in fact part of the solution. The problem with that position is that it is not active. It's just a mindset. Driving change requires action—actively addressing and challenging discriminatory acts and systems. That is why it is imperative that we be willing to “say something” when we see or hear something that denigrates others, even when we believe the person did not intend to do so. Saying something is doing something and an effective practice to educate people about the harm they are causing. I recall in the early years of my technology sales career, I overheard two White male colleagues having a discussion about me. They felt that the only reason that I was hired was because I was Black. During their chat, one said to the other, “Yeah, but she is pretty smart for a Black girl.” I was stunned at their surprise that I could be smart, Black, and a girl, and appalled at their stance that I did not deserve to be there. Their comments were clearly sexist and racist, and my guess is that they had no idea. I had no inkling how to react, so I neither said nor did anything except strengthen my resolve to outperform them. I remember thinking that I should say something, but what? Whatever it was going to be, one thing was certain, it was going to come out wrong and more than likely lead to conflict. I remember feeling hurt and insulted that they had such low expectations of me and half-heartedly happy that at least one person on my team could see past my gender and race to recognize my intelligence. As I think back on how I would respond if this were to happen today, I would start by saying something like, “Excuse me. I could not help but overhear your conversation. I'm curious as to why you think that I was hired because of my skin color.” I believe that calling his attention to what was said may start a dialogue where he could explore how he came to that conclusion. If we could get to the first base of exploration, instead of a dismissal that nothing was meant by it, I could then get to the second base of explaining how his remarks made me feel. If he has not shut down by that point, I could get to the third base of educating him on why his comments were harmful, and together we could finally take it home with an agreed upon path forward.

Everyone has been a hypocrite at some time or another, either consciously or unconsciously. During a meeting with several trusted White colleagues about philanthropic initiatives, we discussed sources for funding. One brought up a program from a prominent foundation that should be considered. Another colleague who was very familiar with the program responded that to qualify for the program, the business had to be minority owned, meaning that we would not be eligible. So instead of moving on, the colleague who first brought up the program joked that we say that Yvette owns the business—the only person of color in the meeting. A few folks laughed, and a few didn't. I was one of the ones who didn't laugh. The fact that she was comfortable saying the words was off-putting. However, the woman who made the comment was someone whom I respected and had worked with for years. I knew that she meant nothing by it but had taken note to call her about it later. Immediately following the meeting, another woman from the call reached out to check in on me as she was offended by it. She also asked whether I would be comfortable if she said something. My first inclination was to decline as I feel more than comfortable speaking up for myself. But I chose to accept her offer. I considered that the message may be better received from one White female colleague to another. The next day, the offender called with sincere apologies. We talked it through and became closer after that. Our relationship went from trusted colleagues to allies.

We can help ourselves and others by paying close attention to whether words and actions contradict our values and beliefs relating to equality. “Saying something” reinforces our own awareness and enables us to acknowledge as well as interrupt our own inappropriate behavior and that of others. When my colleague spoke up for me, she was in accord with her values and working to create a better workplace. When confronting discrimination of any type, we must be clear, direct, and confident in our approach to avoid ambiguity. Otherwise, we risk the message not getting through and not serving its intended purpose. The issues are too important to let a good opportunity go to waste. As you prepare to “say something,” consider the recipient of your message. For some individuals, their actions seem out of character, and they may welcome the timely intervention. Others may believe themselves to be infallible, will admit to no wrongdoing, and perhaps will even blame you for being overly sensitive. A few seconds of forethought will help tailor a message in such a way that it can be received. The goal is not to change the individual, only make them aware. Change is an individual choice.

At times, speaking up can be difficult. A phenomenon known as the bystander effect hinders people from intervening in the moment when others are also witnessing acts of misconduct. A post in Psychology Today puts it this way, “Social psychologists Bibb Latané and John Darley attribute the bystander effect to two factors: diffusion of responsibility and social influence. The perceived diffusion of responsibility means that the more onlookers there are, the less personal responsibility individuals will feel to take action. Social influence means that individuals monitor the behavior of those around them to determine how to act.” Today, the bystander effect is alive and well in the workplace, when people witness incidents of sexual harassment, inappropriate behavior, as well as intolerance or discrimination against women and individuals within the LGBTQ community and fail to speak out about it. When we choose to speak up, we're preventing someone else from experiencing discriminatory or abusive behavior in the future.

Michelle was caught off guard when a senior colleague told a sexist joke. The easy choice would have been to laugh along, go about her day, and not give it a second thought. After all, the joke came from someone in a managerial role. She thought that perhaps it would be harmless if she said nothing, but within minutes reconciled that the behavior and saying nothing could do plenty of harm. She reflected on recently updated HR policies, current media, and social movements like #MeToo, which crystalized the damaging effect this behavior can have on marginalized groups, and the workplace overall. Not taking a stand would be condoning the behavior and allowing it to perpetuate, not only by him, but others who find the behavior acceptable. Doing nothing would mean a missed opportunity to potentially prevent him from harming others. It would have been so much easier for her to craft a response if only the jokester had been a peer, but the fact that the individual was in a managerial role made her very uncomfortable. Yet she felt compelled to do or say something. By now it was way too late to act in the moment. She pondered whether she should speak to the jokester privately, request guidance from her manager, or go to human resources. She opted to go to human resources who thanked her for bringing the incident to their attention and assured her that the matter would be addressed. Afterward, she felt as if a huge burden had been lifted and her mind was now free to focus on work again. In the process of following her conscience, she became more alert to racist and sexist comments and now felt empowered that even she could make an impact just by listening and figuring out ways to respond within her comfort zone.

I've learned over the years that the best way to express a concern or challenge someone begins with how I start the conversation. How I start the conversation is a pretty good indicator of how it will end. When my approach is aggressive, judgmental, or tense, there's a strong chance that the individual will become defensive; we'll go back and forth with points and counterpoints and may never achieve a favorable outcome. My message will not be received unless I'm really lucky—which is hardly ever. It depends on the strength of the relationship. By contrast, when I approach calmly and with a collaborative mindset, a courageous conversation ensues, and I have a better chance of being heard. Champions of inclusion understand that doing nothing is the absolute worst thing to do as we value the well-being of others. There is always something that can be done, and we look for ways to make impactful inclusion happen. Demonstrating an intolerance for acts of inequality may encourage others to do the same.

Actions

Action Accelerators

• HBR.org: “How to Speak Up If You See Bias at Work,” by Amber Lee Williams: hbr.org/2017/01/how-to-speak-up-if-you-see-bias-at-work
• Catalyst.org: “Interrupting Sexism at Work: What Drives Men to Respond Directly or Do Nothing?” by Negin Sattari, PhD, Emily Shaffer, PhD, Sarah DiMuccio, Dnika J. Travis, PhD: www.catalyst.org/reports/interrupting-sexism-workplace-men
• FastCompany.com: “4 women on finding the right response to sexism at work,” by Gwen Moran: www.fastcompany.com/90363669/4-women-on-finding-the-right-response-to-sexism-at-work
• YouTube.com: Stand up, speak up, Deloitte: www.youtube.com/watch?v=DJvJAyZnAaA
• YouTube.com: Speak Up to Build An Equitable Workplace, Crucial Learning: www.youtube.com/watch?v=cTzqromPUVU

Sources Cited