“Those whose business it is to open doors, so often mistake and shut them.”

—George MacDonald

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Speaking is part of everyday life. Our choice of words exemplifies beliefs, values, and feelings. How others interpret our language not only opens the door to better relationships and strengthened connections but also, by contrast, creates barriers and negatively impacts someone's sense of belonging. When language is used for good, we can envision a tomorrow that won't be like yesterday as we use words to change minds and lives, motivate others to action, and demonstrate acceptance. The terms we deploy express what is in our hearts and form how others experience us in conversation. They can encourage and empower those who have been historically marginalized or disenfranchised to triumph over adversity. On the other hand, the words and phrases we unconsciously choose and combine can unwittingly reflect our stereotypical views and biases. Our biases hide in the shadows. When used carelessly, our words can express feelings of our own superiority or our beliefs of the inferiority of certain groups or types of people. For example, a simple statement like “Women are just as good as men in data science” subtly perpetuates the speaker's sexist view that men are better at data science than women. While the intention was to convey that both men and women are equal in their abilities, the sentence structure compares women to men and implies that men being good in data science is the norm. A slight change in wording positions women and men equitably. Saying, “Women and men are equally competent in data science” conveys the intended message. Or suppose two male colleagues, each married, are engaged in small talk about their weekend activities with family when one says, “How did your wife enjoy the venue?” The other responds, “Oh, my husband thought it was great.” The wife question reflected the speaker's belief that marriage consists of only a husband and a wife. In addition, the correction probably came with feelings of awkwardness for both men in varying degrees. Had the speaker been aware of how traditional beliefs show up in conversation and may potentially offend or exclude, they could have said, “How did your spouse enjoy the venue?” Sometimes, it is our reaction to information that can reveal bias. Consider, for instance, chatting with a Latina colleague over lunch at a Mexican restaurant. You think it would be fun to place your order in Spanish, so you ask her for help. Your expression turns to shock when she explains that she does not speak Spanish. The reaction reflects a cultural assumption of LatinX individuals, an underlying belief that speaking Spanish is a prerequisite for being Latina. Your colleague may feel judged as you have now deemed her an inauthentic Latina for not speaking Spanish. While the words in the question did not imply bias, the reaction did. When Henrietta, a woman in her early fifties brought her seven-year-old daughter to the office for “Bring Your Kids to Work Day,” she was complemented several times on how much her granddaughter looked just like her. She was embarrassed the first few times and politely responded, “I don't have any grandchildren.” She wondered why people instantly assumed that grandmother was the only option. We must continuously challenge what we believe about those who are different from us. It's how we learn to value and appreciate difference. These are examples of honest yet avoidable mistakes. The only real mistakes are the ones we don't learn from. Each interaction may create new opportunities to learn something new and help us become more aware of how our biases are reflected in our words, actions, or reactions. Checking assumptions through the lens of inclusion can mitigate biased language that demeans or excludes people based on race, age, gender, sexual orientation, ethnicity, social class, or physical or mental traits.

Even the slightest differences in word choice can correspond with biased beliefs and introduce antiquated terms and norms that were once acceptable. We need to use words carefully and stay current with accepted usage. Champions of inclusion work to create a workplace culture of awareness and sensitivity while striving to be conscientious of terminology that people may find offensive. It's part of our ongoing journey. With today's workforce consisting of at least four generations, each with phrases and terms representative of their era, interactions between co-workers of different generations can easily lead to misunderstandings. Terms that are commonplace for one generation can differ drastically in another. Language evolves regularly to adapt to new mindsets, beliefs, and cultural shifts. You may discover that words you've used for decades without incident are inappropriate or are now considered offensive—for example, referring to Asians as yellow or oriental, using homosexual to describe members of the LGBTQ community, or saying whippersnapper when referring to young people. While many accept that language is fluid and impacted by social change–others resist it. It's only natural to stick to the tried and true. Without raised consciousness of the impact of the tried and true, we'll continue to make regular deposits to cultures of exclusion.

Most common offenses are related to gender, race, sexual orientation, or physical traits. We must make sure that we're keeping up. Pay attention to everyday words and phrases that reflect bias, cause harm, or conjure negative reactions. Remove them from your vocabulary and swap exclusive terms and phrases for inclusive ones. Be open to shifts in language and learning from one another. The key here is to have an open mind, challenge assumptions, and work toward speaking more inclusively. This will allow us to build relationships as we improve communications across generations. When we have strong relationships, misunderstandings are less common, and when they do happen, we are less likely to attribute them to malicious intent. Language is a very powerful tool for change. Use it for good. You're leading the charge against division and separation one word at a time. Refer to Table 20.1 to get started.

Actions

Action Accelerators

• Zapier.com: “The Conscious Style Guide: How to Talk About People with Inclusive and Tactful Language,” by Genevieve Colman: https://zapier.com/blog/communicate-inclusion-and-diversity
• Babbel.com: “Baby Boomers and Millennials: Are They Even Speaking the Same Language,” by Thomas Moore Devlin: www.babbel.com/en/magazine/are-millennials-killing-language
• YouTube.com: How generational stereotypes hold us back at work, Leah Georges: www.youtube.com/watch?v=dKNu5ZnWhb4
• YouTube.com: Cultivating a culture of inclusion, Life at HSBC: www.youtube.com/watch?v=oSO3F9z23vU