“The function of freedom is to free someone else.”

—Toni Morrison

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We are empowered to perform our best in the workplace when we feel that our voices are heard. We need to know that our contributions are valued, appreciated and, when we're on the money, that our ideas will be explored or challenged by peers and colleagues. When we feel ignored, it is as if our experience, skills, and competencies are of no merit. As a result, we feel excluded, and as anyone who has ever experienced this knows, it impacts our morale and well-being. We want others to listen in such a way that we know we've been understood even when we agree to disagree. Effective communication occurs when we acknowledge what the other is saying, even though we may not like what's being said. In the name of respect, individuals need to be allowed to speak without being interrupted, discounted, or having their message discounted, especially on the basis of difference. All too often members of marginalized groups are not heard, because the dominant group feels that they know “how it's done.” Women are not heard, because men need to be right or feel that women are underqualified on the subject matter and subsequently take over the conversation with mansplaining. According to Merriam-Webster, mansplaining is when a man talks condescendingly to a woman about something he has incomplete knowledge of, with the mistaken assumption that he knows more about it than the person he's talking to. When people go unheard time and again, eventually resentment builds, and withdrawal occurs. After a while, efforts to communicate are abandoned, and the team as well as the organization has lost the benefit of diverse perspectives.

My journey from there to here has included experiences of me sharing ideas in meetings that were met with blank stares. I could not tell whether colleagues were even listening or intentionally chose not to respond. The room would be dead silent for a few very long and uncomfortable seconds until someone spoke up to move on to another topic or back to the previous one. At that point, anything would have been nice—a smile, a nod, something to validate that I was actually in the room. My ideas were glossed over at best or totally ignored. I can attribute it only to the fact that I was the only woman on the sales team, the only person of color on the team, and working in the technology industry, which is dominated by white men. Needless to say, I most definitely did not feel heard. I just kept shaking it off. Eventually I stopped contributing and kept my head down to continue to make quota.

Meet Yuen. It's Monday morning, and she has another full day of back-to-back internal meetings as a financial analyst. Yuen has been in the industry for five years and at her current company for six months. Mondays were bad enough as it is, but one meeting after another is nothing to look forward to when you are someone who seldom gets a word in. Often inclusion is left just outside the meeting room door as the dominant group leaves little to no space for others to contribute. Yuen was diligent about reading the agendas in advance and came prepared with questions and talking points. She was often interrupted mid-sentence by someone in the room while responding to a question or leading with a key point. She was accustomed to pushback and never took it personally. She enjoyed a healthy debate and defending her ideas. However, she could never get that far on her current team. The frustration was becoming overwhelming. She wasn't being listened to, and felt sidelined as a team member. One afternoon as she worked up the courage to share her thoughts and was again cut off, her emotions got the best of her. She burst into tears and excused herself from the room. She attempted to calm down by walking around the beautiful corporate campus, but every time she thought that she was ready to walk back into the office, the tears came rushing back. She decided to take the rest of the day off to regroup. Upon her return on the following day, she decided to meet with her manager for guidance on how she could better contribute. He was an industry veteran and a well-respected man in his mid-50s. She was confident that his wealth of knowledge would deliver sage advice. Without an appointment, she popped into his office and asked if he had time to talk. He smiled and welcomed her in. She began by telling him how greatly she appreciated the opportunity to be at the firm and started explaining her challenges since her arrival. As she shared her experiences, the emotions started to resurface. She fought back the tears and continued. He was seemingly listening. He was making eye contact and even nodded here and there. She thought, finally, I'm being heard. When she finished, she waited patiently for his feedback. Instead, he responded, “You're doing just fine. Keep up the good work.” He then excused her claiming that it was time for his next appointment.

One of the most powerful ways to enhance any working relationship is to value individuals and interactions over processes and take the time to actively listen during conversation. Active listening is described as the practice of listening attentively to the speaker for understanding and conveying that you've absorbed the message. This benefits both participants as they continually check for clarity. A post on LinkedIn cites, “Statistics highlight that for approximately 80 percent of our day, we all are engaged in communication. Out of this, about 55 percent is spent on listening to others in our surroundings.” The post goes on to invite readers to ponder whether they are active or passive listeners and details best practices. See sources cited for details.

Champions of inclusion work to shift the tide and amplify the voices of those who are not heard. The key to success is self-awareness and moving personally from a passive or selective listener to an active one. We need to ensure that we are not part of the problem. In addition, we must determine what we are comfortable doing and always be prepared to carry it out. When we see evidence of our input being taken seriously, it motivates us to do more and grow professionally. It's so much better than a mere pat on the back or a half-hearted promise to “take that under consideration.” We can foster a more equitable workplace where everyone can be heard.

Actions

Action Accelerators

• HBR.org: “To Build an Inclusive Culture, Start with Inclusive Meetings,” by Kathryn Heath and Brenda F. Wensil: hbr.org/2019/09/to-build-an-inclusive-culture-start-with-inclusive-meetings
• Atlassian.com: “Team Playbook: Inclusive Meetings”: www.atlassian.com/team-playbook/plays/inclusive-meetings
• HireSuccess.com: “Understanding the 4 Personality Types: A, B, C, and D”: www.hiresuccess.com/help/understanding-the-4-personality-types
• FrameShiftConsulting.com: “Meeting Skills” (download the PDF Meeting Role Cards): frameshiftconsulting.com/resources/meeting-skills

Sources Cited