ACTIVITY 33
Support the Firsts, Fews, and Onlys

“I sit on a man's back choking him and making him carry me, and yet assure myself and others that I am sorry for him and wish to lighten his load by all means possible … except by getting off his back.”

—Leo Tolstoy

***

As organizations continue to diversify the workforce, there is bound to be the “firsts, fews, and onlys” (FFOs). They are easy to recognize because there is no one else in the organization who closely resembles them. The new customer service representative is the one individual on the team who has an artificial limb (first and only), your department is comprised of 50 people and only 6 percent, or three of them, are Black (few), or the VP of sales is lesbian and the only LGBTQ individual in leadership ranks. This is not an unusual experience for those navigating workplaces and industries known for being predominantly cisgendered, heterosexual, absent a physical disability, White, and male. FFOs are largely members of historically excluded groups and often experience feelings of isolation and hyper-visibility in the workplace, which can become intensified at the intersection of identities. For instance, say the VP of sales is not only gay but is also African American and female—representing three marginalized identities. The hyper-visibility creates greater pressure to perform without mistakes and results in being held to higher standards of productivity while conforming and assimilating to be seen as competent. As a member in the FFO club myself, I can speak from experience that there is a high likelihood of having abilities challenged, work overscrutinized, enduring microaggressions, and being sexually harassed. Everyone who falls outside the FFO club tends to be oblivious to the inequities and unfair treatment that they perpetuate. There is no one around who even recognizes, and therefore can speak up against, biased, racist, and sexist behaviors, and those who are aware are usually too afraid to do anything about it. For them, going against the grain is too risky. When there is no one else who can help educate the members of the dominant culture who “just want to learn” or “just want to help,” FFOs are left with the emotional labor of constantly explaining and answering questions about what it's like to be them. They bear the weight of being the sole representative of their race or culture for which the entire group will be judged, or they are appointed the face of diversity for the organization. FFOs will soon find themselves in a perpetual state of educating co-workers or performing on behalf of their race, rather than just being who they are and doing the job that they were hired to do to the best of their ability. The heavy load of “educator” and “performer” zaps energy and takes a toll over time. Stress, anxiety, burnout, guilt, or shame may result from the painstaking work of these unwritten and unspoken roles. FFOs are constantly negotiating with themselves on teaching people about their experience as a person of difference while staying positive and being a valuable team player.

Sadly, many FFOs, especially those in senior ranks, are set up to fail as the plan was for them to never succeed; rather, were a quick-and-easy performative measure to evidence diversity—a tactic employed by organizational leaders to give the illusion of inclusion. In earnest, it is an attempt to avoid public backlash for not actually being diverse, equitable, and inclusive. Absent a sincere commitment to diversity, equity, and inclusion, FFOs are tokenized. Tokenism, a symbolic effort to be inclusive of marginalized groups to give the appearance of diversity efforts, is nothing new. It became popular in the late 1950s in the midst of racial segregation. It is merely a means of acknowledging the lack of diversity without putting in the work to actually create and sustain it.

Our ability to support FFOs in the workplace begins with the why established in Activity 2, “Connect with Your Why, Find Your Why Now.” Our why will inform our actions, interactions, decisions, and ideally build the courage to act, the ability to connect, and the awareness to empathize. We must challenge ourselves to interrupt biased thinking and disrupt stereotypical beliefs. It can be challenging to know where to begin an authentic journey toward inclusion, especially when we, ourselves, are the first, one of the few, or the only ones doing so. Courage helps us to overcome the reluctance of putting ourselves out there for fear of getting it wrong. Connecting will establish the trust needed for authentic dialogue as well as discovering common interests and similarities. Empathy creates the ability to appreciate the emotions and experience of others, thus building a bridge across the divide. Inclusive actions are intentional, whereas exclusive ones go unnoticed as part of the status quo. Here are a few ways to support the FFOs in your organization:

  • Recognize them as an individual, not the group they represent.
  • Acknowledge the value they add to the team with their skills and expertise.
  • Embrace their unique perspectives and contributions as opportunities worth exploring rather than problems to be dismissed.
  • Help get them acclimated to the team and the team acclimated to them by focusing on commonalities, not differences.
  • Educate yourself on the issues and challenges of marginalized groups, rather than asking FFOs to do the work for you.
  • Share common practices like team norms and unwritten rules.

Champions of inclusion are sensitive to the challenges of firsts, fews, and onlys; are the first to welcome them to the team; and work toward creating an inclusive work experience where thriving is the norm.

Actions

Be the Welcome Wagon

Help firsts, fews, and onlys feel like part of the team from day one or even if they have been there for a while and you have yet to get to know them. It's never too late to introduce yourself and make someone feel welcomed. Practice inclusive habits and work toward connecting (refer to Activities 3 and 4). Help the team make space for them and become an ally (refer to Activity 13, “Aspire to Be an Ally.”)

Course Correct Where You Can

Inclusion journeys are a marathon, not a sprint. It's going to take time and practice to learn the skills to be more inclusive and connect across differences. FFOs primarily exist in organizations lacking a real diversity, equity, and inclusion strategy. While most of us in the workforce do not have the positional authority to drive change, we can change our perspectives and the way we interact with people who are unlike us. Own the part you play that causes people of difference to feel unwelcomed and make a personal commitment to do better. Consider the FFOs in your organization, and ask yourself, “What can I do today to enhance their experience?” Do it again tomorrow.

Realize the Value of Being Inclusive

Let's make a movie and you're the star. Imagine arriving at a family celebration that for weeks you've been looking forward to attending. Everyone is expected to be there. There will be folks you've known all your life and others you have yet to meet. There's the promise of entertainment and all of your favorite foods. (Pause. Write down your feelings and expectations.) As you enter the room, you can see everyone laughing, smiling, and enjoying one another's company. You stand there for a few minutes taking it all in, and no one acknowledges your presence. Seemingly it's no big deal; everyone is having a fun time and too busy to notice you. You spot some folks playing a card game and sit down to be dealt into the next hand. Instead, they bypass you, and the game continues around you. You didn't get a single card. (Pause. Write down your feelings and expectations in playing the game.) As you stand alone, your aunt Mary is coming your way, and you expect to take a few minutes to catch up. Instead, she points out that you are blocking the beverage cooler, asks that you please move, collects two beers, and then walks aways without another word. A few moments later, you notice a group over by the pool, grab a beverage from the cooler and walk over to join them. They notice you approaching and quickly disperse. (Pause. Write down your feelings and expectations of the encounter.) By now you are wondering why you're getting the cold shoulder from everyone. Has someone spread lies about you? Did you do something that has pissed off the entire family and didn't realize it? Perhaps this is some crazy joke that no one has let you in on. In an attempt to get answers, you notice your cousin Joe across the way. He is in your line of sight. You watch him as you call his number; he declines your call, puts the phone back in his pocket, and resumes his activity. Your movie has just ended. (Pause. Write down your feelings and expectations from Joe.) Look at your list of emotions experienced in just trying to fit in and connect. You have just gotten a glimpse into a workday in the life of an FFO. Reflect on how your experience would be impacted if one person finally approached, greeted you by name, and said that they were happy that you could join. (Pause. Write down your feelings.) Now you are positioned to see the value of inclusion. Be the person who shows up.

Action Accelerators

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