“The truest form of love is how you behave toward someone, not how you feel about them.”

—Steve Hall

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What comes to mind when you think of common courtesy? Perhaps you were raised in a household that taught the importance of saying please, thank you, and sorry. Other words to live by may have included respect your elders, speak when spoken to, and hold or open a door for the next person. Maybe you were raised to treat all with dignity and respect. It could be that for you, common courtesy means treating people the way you would want to be treated. As adults, we don't hear as much about common courtesy as we did growing up. In the workplace, common courtesy is a must-have and extends itself to professional courtesy. Common courtesy demonstrates acts of kindness on a human level as mentioned in the aforementioned examples, while professional courtesy demonstrates acts of mutual respect for co-workers. It comes across in many ways to include being attentive in meetings, waiting for your turn to speak in conversations, and giving credit where credit is due. We should practice common and professional courtesy as they symbolize respect. Respect is one of the most critical factors in the workplace as it supports an environment of collaboration whereby teams can accomplish goals together, regardless of how they feel about one another. However, being kind and polite to others doesn't diminish us in the workplace, but rather bolsters our reputation and demonstrates our character. While we may be highly competent in our roles, it's how we treat others that drives inclusion. When we combine common and professional courtesy with respect, we empower ourselves to connect across disparate communication styles. Common and professional courtesy is often unspoken amongst co-workers until someone has violated its principle. It's only written about in the employee handbook in the code of conduct section. It's what we've come to expect but, somehow, don't always get. Sometimes it may be hard to find it at any level within the organization as many have adopted the “I gotta be me” mantra and are proud of it. Everybody has or has had at least one co-worker who is intentional about being respected more so than liked. That's the a-hole that most of us choose to avoid. If we're lucky, we may find courtesy and respect in pockets of various teams or catch it in a flash of fleeting kindness. The values of common courtesy, professional courtesy, and respect are not dependent on context. There is not a single instance or circumstance in the workplace where courtesy and respect should not be the default. Depending on how far we drift from it, people may experience job loss, and companies may experience litigation. The further we drift, the more toxic the environment becomes.

We feel better connected at work through positive interactions based on these values as they are powerful contributors to our sense of belonging. In essence, we are creating the conditions that will enable all co-workers, but especially those from historically marginalized groups, to thrive at work as stereotypical beliefs, prejudice, and bias may erode courtesy and respect. When these values are present, our sense of well-being and relationships flourish; and in their absence, we become vulnerable to isolation and feelings of self-consciousness. Imagine that you're about to pass a co-worker in the corridor. You attempt to make eye contact, plan to greet them with a smile, and perhaps even say something as you approach. When you get closer, they avoid eye contact, and when you say, “Good morning,” they proceed right past you without breaking stride or uttering a sound. It's as if you didn't exist. You're certain that they saw you, you're certain that you were heard, so how could they not respond? You were just inches apart at the moment of passing. This has happened to me more times than I can count in the workplace. Each time, I felt invisible and pondered what I did to deserve such rudeness. As a young professional, I blamed myself for the longest time. I protected myself by never initiating a greeting with those individuals again and was always uncomfortable in their presence going forward. The feeling of being invisible never went away. Thank goodness that I've evolved over the years to realize that it wasn't me at all, but them.

Genuine greetings are just one of many small gestures within the courtesy and respect space that make people feel seen and valued. How do we as individuals benefit by avoiding such small gestures? Sure, there are cultural differences in relation to personal space and eye contact that we should consider, but I would like to think that courtesy and respect are universal. When people feel valued, they often value others. It's the gift that keeps on giving and can permeate throughout the organization while exposing the company's bad apples to be either upskilled or weeded out. Champions of inclusion strive to normalize common courtesy and respect through example, apologize when we get it wrong, and accept it as a teaching moment to do better in the future.

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Action Accelerators

• PsychologyToday.com: “The Power of Hello: The simplest way to make your world a better place,” by Sam Sommers: www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/science-small-talk/201203/the-power-hello
• Inc.com: “Why You Should Greet Your Coworkers Every Day,” by Lindsay Dodgson: www.inc.com/business-insider/why-you-should-greet-your-co-workers-everyday.html
• Shiftworkplace.com: “The spirit of work: How courtesy, respect and thoughtfulness create the foundation for all other work success”: shiftworkplace.com/spirit-work-courtesy-respect-thoughtfulness-create-foundation-work-success
• DiversityAndrespect.org: “The 30 Tips of Dignity & Respect”: dignityandrespect.org/the-30-tips-of-dignity-respect