Develop Your Listening and Observational Skills
Top negotiators are not all great orators. However, they are always people who possess an exceptional capacity for listening, observing, and spotting details that will prove crucial by the end of the negotiations. To develop this ability to listen and observe, it is useful to develop three levels of listening and to learn to read the different signals that a buyer sends out.
Developing the Three Levels of Listening
The basic level of listening relates to the immediate meaning of your counterpart’s words. In the midst of the lively flow of conversation during negotiations, it is often difficult to accurately and confidently identify the meaning of the other person’s words. The only way of ensuring that you do so is to periodically make yourself rephrase the essence of what you have just heard: “In other words, the three conditions that need to be met are…”
The second level of listening relates to intentions. Behind the immediate meaning of the words, what is your counterpart trying to get you to understand—or to believe? For example, when a buyer says, “We’ve approved several suppliers who fully meet our technical requirements,” the important thing is to decipher the implicit message that influences the lever of choice (see chapter 8, “How to Shift the Balance of Power Between Buyer and Seller”).
Lastly, the third level of listening applies to the emotions. When your counterpart makes claims, asks questions, or presents proposals, what are his underlying emotions? If a buyer says, “Look here, Carl, when it comes to price, I have to say that your proposal is absolutely ridiculous!” the key point probably does not relate either to the basic issue (the business proposal) or even to the exaggerated opinion that the buyer is expressing, but to identifying the buyer’s state of mind. Does his blunt remark express a feeling of irritation, anger, hurt, unease, or, on the contrary, of joy at the pleasure of “haggling”?
Deciphering All the Verbal and Nonverbal Signals
Negotiators express themselves through words. If both parties have a full command of the same language, those words will perfectly convey facts, figures, thoughts, and rational analysis.
Many words “denote” something, that is, their meaning is unambiguous: pen, door, volume per delivery, payment date—such concepts are unproblematic. However, other words have “connotations”: In negotiations, a “significant” disparity, a “quick” decision, or a “partnership” agreement are likely to mean different things to the ears of negotiators on opposite sides of the table, who believe that they understand each other.
Deciphering words primarily involves trying to understand the meaning that the other person attaches to them by asking comprehension questions and getting the person to validate a rephrased form of the words: “If I understand you correctly, you think that…” It also involves discreetly noticing when your counterpart is spinning you a line or when he makes subtle overtures to you.
For example, imagine a negotiator who has repeatedly stated, “It’s out of the question for us to sign a 2-year contract,” but who then suddenly says, “Under the current conditions, it is out of the question for us to sign a 2-year contract.” You should immediately decipher this signal and wonder what “conditions” you could create to make a 2-year contract a possibility.
That being said, while words are good at conveying facts, they are ineffective at accurately conveying the opinions and emotions of the person expressing them. Albert Mehrabian’s famous study into the expression of emotions put the role played by words at 7%, whereas intonation accounted for 38%, and facial and body movements accounted for the bulk (55%).
Indeed, words are under the control of an individual’s conscious will: People can deliberately soften or exaggerate their words, or even blatantly lie. However, unless you are dealing with an exceptionally good actor, intonation will be a much more direct expression of a buyer’s true feelings.
Imagine someone stammering in a hesitant manner, “Well, er, I definitely won’t, you know, back down, faced with, er, such a forthright decision, if you understand what I’m saying?” Then imagine another negotiator speaking forcefully, his voice trembling with emotion: “Let me make myself absolutely clear, we’re still open to discussions, for the moment.” When words and intonation diverge, it is the intonation that is to be believed.
Lastly, apart from words and intonation, there is the “silent film” that your negotiating partners play out through their posture, gestures, and expressions. The body does not lie: Only experienced poker players—and truly great negotiators—are capable of completely concealing their satisfaction, disappointment, boredom, irritation, impatience, or anger.
Entire books have been devoted to how to interpret one gesture or another. It is true that, in general, someone who crosses her arms and leans back is being somewhat reserved, that someone who nervously taps the table is probably impatient, and that someone who smiles and quietly nods her head while listening to you is expressing a certain amount of agreement. Unfortunately, such systematic interpretation has its limitations.
First, it depends on culture. Imagine that your counterpart lowers her head and closes her eyes. In the case of a Japanese person, this is an excellent sign that she is listening intently and concentrating on your words. If it is a westerner, she may simply be falling asleep.
Second, it depends on the individual. Some people tap the table all day long or cross their arms and lean back, without this being open to any interpretation. Another person might smile and nod her head whatever the circumstances and whatever she might really be thinking.
You should therefore watch those you have dealings with very closely and, in particular, look for any changes. When a calm person becomes more agitated or when a negotiator who used to cross his arms and be reserved starts leaning forward animatedly, this is sending a signal that you need to identify and try to interpret. It is this combination of verbal and nonverbal signals that will guide you as you pursue discussions: whether to listen or to speak, to speed the conversation up or to slow it down, to go into detail about an issue or to move on to the next topic.