Truth 33. Of men, women, and pie-slicing

What is the difference between men and women when they negotiate?”

You may consider this, as I do, a loaded question. So, let’s look at a few research-based facts:

▪ When men and women negotiate against one another, such as in a buyer–seller arrangement, men get a larger slice of the pie. This statement is not based on old data; salary discrepancies between men and women are growing, not shrinking. In 2003, the wage gap between men and women graduating from elite MBA programs was almost negligible. However, by 2013, the pay gap had significantly widened. Female grads earn 93 cents for every $1 earned by their male classmates.¹⁸ Sound like chump change? Think again. Suppose a man and a woman are both offered a $50K salary at the outset of their career. Suppose the man negotiates a 10 percent increase, but the woman does not. Now, assume that both get a steady 5 percent annual raise every year. The man will earn over $600,000 more over a 40-year career than his female colleague.¹⁹

▪ Men are more likely to initiate negotiation (for example, attempt to negotiate their job offers and salaries) than are women. Why? For one thing, women believe that assertive behavior will elicit a negative response. Depressingly, they have every reason to be on their guard: Women who “ask” are not viewed as positively as men who ask, and evaluators “penalize” women who ask for more.²⁰

▪ Women set lower aspirations or targets than do men, all else being equal (that is, holding constant their previous experience, education, etc.).

Okay, we’ve got a problem. So, how to fix it? In my own research on this thorny subject, my colleagues Laura Kray, Adam Galinsky, and I wondered whether the typical stereotype of women being docile, nice, and nurturing might actually be hurting them. Indeed, we found that when women (and men) were reminded of the archetypal female stereotype of being accepting, nurturing, kind, and submissive, women claimed much less of the bargaining pie. ²¹

We obviously needed to try to turn around this situation. We found that two scenarios—mindsets—can really help women at the table. Let’s call the first mindset the backfire effect. In one of our scientific tests, we decided to be up front about the typical female stereotype. Rather than be politically correct and not say it or speak it, we clearly referenced the female stereotype as one in which females are accepting, giving, empathic, and so on. (We were banking on the fact that the high-powered females in our management and executive courses would think that this was a bunch of baloney.) They apparently did. They ended up claiming more of the pie than men did, and they claimed more of the pie than when we made absolutely no mention of the classic female stereotype. Thus, in some sense, if there is a gorilla in the room, it helps women to say that there is a gorilla in the room.

Several years ago, Professor Howard Raiffa compiled a list of 38 characteristics of successful negotiators in his book The Art and Science of Negotiation. As it turns out, some of those 38 characteristics are male sounding (for example, assertive, dominant), some are traditional female sounding (for example, empathic, good at nonverbal skills), and some have no gender connotations (for example, punctual). When my colleagues and I gave a mixed group of negotiators a redacted version of Professor Raiffa’s list featuring the female-sounding “effective negotiator characteristics,” the women in the group did much better than when they were given the male-redacted list or a neutral list. Everybody did the same negotiation. Despite the fact that everyone had the same objective financial situation and the same reservation price, the mindset we had created exerted a profound influence on how well the females in the group did. Let’s call this the right brain mindset, because the right side of the brain is the part of the brain that is skilled in language, nonverbal behavior, and so on.

The point is not that men are taking advantage of women or treating them tougher than they would treat males. But, rather, as Louis Pasteur once said, “Chance favors the prepared mind.” Females who prepare their own mindsets should fare better in negotiation than those who don’t.