Truth 44. What’s your sign? (Know your disputing style)

Which of the following phrases have you used or heard used in a negotiation? Be honest. Better yet, ask your colleagues how they see you. Give yourself 1 point for each phrase you have ever said and 2 points if you say something like it often. If a particular phrase is not in your vocabulary, give yourself a 0.

1. ____ That’s not the way we do things here.

2. ____ That is my final offer.

3. ____ You will have to do better than that; otherwise, we don’t have a deal.

4. ____ What is your most important issue?

5. ____ According to my records, that is not what we agreed to.

6. ____ I want to share some of my interests with you.

7. ____ I am calling my attorney (or any mention of an attorney).

8. ____ That is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard.

9. ____ I would like to understand more about your key value drivers.

Add up your Power score—that is, your scores on items 2, 3, and 8. Next, add up your Rights score—your scores on items 1, 5, and 7. Finally, add up your Interests score—your scores on items 4, 6, and 9.

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Jeanne Brett spent several years in coal mines, watching extremely contentious negotiations between labor and management unfold. She did the same thing at airline negotiations with union reps and management. In her book Getting Disputes Resolved (with coauthors Steve Goldberg and William Ury), she discovered that nearly everything that people said could be chunked into one of three major buckets: interests, rights, or power. Accordingly, Brett, Ury and Goldberg developed their theory of disputing styles called the Interests, Rights, and Power Model (or I–R–P Model):³⁸

▪ Power—Power moves are any statements that attempt to force another person to do something he would otherwise not do. Parents do this with children, and people of different status levels do this a lot. For example, “If you don’t do X, I will terminate you.” Power moves also include one-upsmanship and hurling insults. Threats to withdraw business are power moves. For example, one sister might say, “If you don’t give the orange to me, I am going to tell mom that you drove her car without asking.”

▪ Rights—Rights moves are moves that reference standards, norms, customs, rules, guidelines, legal rights, or precedents. Statements such as “This is not the way we do things” and excessive focus or bureaucracy are examples of rights-based moves. A rights-based negotiator attempts to invoke precedents. A rights-based sister might say, “I sent you an email dated February 22, 2013, in which I claimed that orange.”

▪ Interests—Interests-based negotiators attempt to get past the demands that the parties might have and focus on the underlying goals and interests. An interests-based sister might say, “What are your most pressing interests regarding the orange? For me personally, I need to get my scone business going, so having that zest is imperative.”

If your Power score is highest, you tend to use power moves in your negotiations. If your Rights score is highest, you use rights-based moves. If your Interests score is highest, congratulations—you use interests-based negotiation, which is usually most effective.

Once you know the I–R–P Model, it is impossible not to spontaneously categorize people. For example, the other day, I witnessed a blue car make a sharp lefthand turn to grab a coveted parking spot. The blue car pulled quickly in front of a white car that was poised to turn right into the same coveted space. The driver of the white car immediately shot the finger (power move). The driver of the blue car explained that he indeed had his blinker on before the other car did and therefore was entitled to the space (rights-based move).

The same thing happens in airports. Think about a scene at a ticket counter, where an angry customer is demanding a ticket change. The gate agent refuses. The angry customer demands to see her boss (power move). The ticket agent recites rules printed on the back of the ticket (rights move). The even angrier customer says, “Hey, I can read. I went to school” (power move). The ticket agent then says, “Sir, you will have to leave; I have to serve other customers” (rights move). Finally, the superior emerges and says, “What is the problem here? Let’s take a look at what we can do” (interests-based move).

The point here is not that you need to always use interests-based phrases and extinguish rights- and power-based phrases from your vocabulary. Negotiators need to be trilingual. You need to be able to use interests, rights, and power at the appropriate times.