Truth 65. People need to fight their own battles

In the business world, people work in close quarters—even if they’re half a globe apart. When limited resources (time, money, space, raw materials, personal imagination) clash with unlimited catalysts (personal agenda, grudges, mistrust, misunderstandings that travel the speed of the Internet), you’ve got yourself some trouble among the ranks. It’s going to happen sooner or later. Prevention, of course, is almost always a good management approach. But no matter what you do to prevent the predictable conflicts, the unpredictable ones come up in their place. How you handle a conflict among employees is a hallmark of engaging management.

Handle it poorly, and you’ve got unresolved conflicts that could persist for years to come. Handle it well, and you’ve got an even tighter bond within your team of employees—even if they have to agree to disagree. If you’re committed to empowering your employees to independently solve business problems without running to you for every decision, make the same commitment to empower them to solve their interpersonal problems equally independently. The agreement they strike—and own—together will be far more powerful than any solution you force on them just because you’re the boss.

Take every grievance seriously. If your employee is peeved enough to come to you, that’s reason enough for you to listen. Bear in mind, though, that you two have separate reasons for this initial conversation. His is to vent and then, perhaps, seek a solution. Yours is to assess. If you’re hearing evidence of harassment, threats of physical violence, bullying, or substance abuse, this meeting needs to be documented and kicked straight to your legal or HR department. This one is out of your hands.

Even if complaints turn out to be laughably petty, don’t belittle the employees—or their complaints—and then josh them on their way. Give them a serious and respectful hearing, without taking sides. It may feel like a waste of time at the moment, but you’re building your own reputation as someone who cares enough to listen. The next beef might not be so trivial, and you want to know about that one, too.

Assuming that the complaint is relatively benign (something that won’t require the services of your attorneys, the police, or paramedics), encourage them to resolve the dispute without your intervention. Presumably, everyone is a grown-up in your office. So make it clear you respect your employees enough to expect them to act like adults. Provide conflict resolution training once every year or so (even more frequently, if necessary, depending on your new employee turnover or how emotionally charged your workplace is). This way, your employees will follow the same rules of the game. If, as a pair, two conflicting employees work on the mutual goal of achieving an agreement, relying on the same procedure they learned in the safe, hypothetical confines of a classroom, they will discover together that the system works. And you may have, as a result, a newly minted, freshly bonded team of two that you can then assign to a happier, more productive project.

Don’t treat the conflict as a floor show. This is not a battle of impassioned titans who bring the spectacle to your office for your amusement. If the issue is serious enough for your employees to be upset about, it’s serious enough for you to be respectful of.

If you must bring the antagonists into your office for a conversation, don’t allow the exchange to disintegrate into a showdown. Make sure you are professionally trained in facilitation skills. Establish the ground rules up front that you are meeting to discuss behaviors and expectations—not personalities, bad breath, or body odor.

Don’t hold this episode against the vanquished. Employee conflicts should never be about who wins and who loses. They should always be about working toward an agreement and using the experience to build greater understanding and trust. If there is to be a loser in the conflicts among the people you manage, make sure that they lose just this battle, not their face, spirit, or heart.