Truth 60. The way you listen speaks volumes

The trouble with running an engaged workplace is that people actually care about their work and what happens to the company. And when they care like that, they’re going to get mad sometimes. The other trouble with running an engaged workplace is that you probably have some sort of open-door philosophy. Which means, by gum, when these people get mad, they’re going to march right through that open door, plunk themselves down in a chair, and unburden themselves.

This is actually an opportunity for you. A meeting with an angry employee is your chance to demonstrate your commitment to your people:

• Silently congratulate yourself that your employees are venting to you. You may not necessarily like what you’re hearing. But at least you’re hearing it. It takes a lot of nerve (and trust) to unload on someone who has the power to say, “Well, then, perhaps you might be more happily employed elsewhere.” The fact that they have muscled up the gumption to come to you with their problems demonstrates that they still hold the expectation that you at least care and are maybe able to do something about their issues. (Actively disengaged employees have long ago given up venting. Now they just tell their friends and maybe indulge in a little office thievery or vandalism. So if you’re not getting visits from peeved employees now and then, that’s the time to really worry.)

• Don’t expect them to be reasonable, rationale, or logical. They might have rehearsed their speech before friends before coming to you. They might have made a list of grievances and points they hoped would keep them focused and unemotional. But all that could go right out the window if they’re especially wound up. Assuming this is a rare incident and they are otherwise calm, cool-headed professionals, let it go. Unless they threaten you with bodily harm (in which case, call security), let them let ’er rip.

• Listen hard. Don’t speak until they have had their complete say. Listen to what they are really trying to tell you inside the torrent of words and frustration. Look them in the eye while they’re trying to express their resistance or fury. No matter how confused and confusing they may be, there’s something buried in what they’re saying that you need to know. If you focus on just hearing them, rather than talking back, you’ll be able to keep your own calm and reason through this potentially stormy moment.

• Make sure you get it right. When they’re done, try to rephrase what you think you heard in your own words, and ask them if you understand them correctly. Give them a chance to refine their thoughts or revise your words to more accurately reflect their points. If they get wound up again and start repeating themselves, calmly say, “I think I’ve got it, thanks.”

• Calmly ask additional questions for clarity. Ask them if they have any solutions to the problem in mind. Do they see a better way of approaching the problem? Or a better, more appropriate person to assign the troublesome project to? Is there anyone else they want you to talk to for confirmation or additional data?

• Promise them only one thing. That you’ll get back to them and when. Don’t be surprised if they try to push you for more definitive action. If they have worked for untrustworthy managers before, they might take “I’ll get back to you” as manager-speak for “You’ve had your say. Now get out.” Reassure them that you will get back to them, reminding them that a matter this important deserves some time to think through.

• Keep your promise. Better yet, surprise them: Be early. No matter what you do, even if you have to disappoint them with your final decision, keep the date you promised. And if you can, beat that date by a few days.

People coming to you with issues or complaints also bring with them lots of history of how their managers have let them down in the past. How you actually resolve the issue at hand may satisfy them. Or it might not. But the way you listen to everything they have to say about the matter and respectfully take action on it will take you far in solidifying the bond of trust between you.

The result: Everyone’s expectations and hopes for the future will be raised significantly.