10

Yeah, But

Advice for Tough Cases

As we (the authors) have taught this material, we’ve grown accustomed to people saying, “Yeah, but my situation’s more difficult than that!” Or “Yeah, but the people I deal with aren’t so quick to come around. Besides, most of the problems I face come as a surprise. I’m caught off guard.” In short, people can think of a dozen reasons why the skills we’ve been talking about don’t apply to the situations they care about.

• “Yeah, but what if someone does something that’s really subtle? It drives you crazy but it’s hard to identify. How do you handle that?”

• “Yeah, but what if my life partner refuses to ever talk about anything important? You can’t force a person into dialogue.”

• “Yeah, but what if I can’t calm down quickly enough? I’ve been told not to go to bed angry, but sometimes I think I need time alone. What should I do?”

• “Yeah, but what if I don’t trust the other person? How am I supposed to deal with that?”

• “Yeah, but both my boss and spouse are too sensitive to take any feedback. Shouldn’t I just let things slide?”

In truth, the dialogue skills we’ve shared apply to just about any problem you can imagine. However, since some are more difficult than others, we’ve chosen seventeen tough cases. We’ll take a moment to share a thought or two on each.