A friend’s teenage son, who is quite competitive, had a swimming match recently. When I asked him how the main race had gone he replied, ‘I did really well. I came third, but I would have come second if I hadn’t messed up the start’. This delighted me, because he needn’t have taken such a positive stance. As far as he was concerned, he might as well have come second so he felt almost as proud as if he had. He could have said, ‘It was terrible, I only came third, because I messed up the start. I should have done better’. Lots of people would have seen it that way. But for whatever reason – call it teenage bravado if you like – he chose to look at it from the other direction.

And the result of his approach? He was happy with the result – which is what we’re interested in here – when exactly the same result could have made him unhappy. It was all about his perception. If you can learn to recognize when you have a choice about how you respond, you can do this too. Did you fail to get a promotion (miserable), or did you come really close (happy)? Have you arrived home drained and aching after an exhausting day (grumpy), or is it lovely to put your feet up with a cup of tea in your own chair and not have to move until bedtime (mmmm . . . )?

But a leopard can’t change its spots, right? Some of us are programmed to look on the bright side while others are made to see the dark side. Well, this is only partly true. Yes, some lucky people seem to be born looking at life from the happy direction, but if you can get into the habit of recognizing when there are two directions you can see things from, you’ll already be less negative than when you think there’s no other perspective. Try it. Go on. Next time you’re tempted to feel sorry for yourself, look for a different angle.

This is a great example of how habit-forming happiness is. The more you do it, the easier it becomes. And the more you can recognize that other angle, the easier it gets to adopt it yourself. Of course there’ll be times you can’t shake off your disappointment or sadness, but they’ll be less frequent and it will take more to upset you. And that’s got to be worth it. After all, can you imagine how great it must feel to be happy about coming third in a race?