RULE 62

Be the first to say sorry

Don’t care who started it. Don’t care what it was about. Don’t care who is right and who is wrong. Don’t care whose game it was. You are both behaving like spoilt brats and should go to your room at once. No seriously, we all fall out from time to time, that’s human nature. From now on, if you want to be a committed Rules Player, and I can see from the glint in your eye you do, you will be the first to say sorry. That’s it. End of Rule. Why? Because that’s what Rules Players do. We are the first. We take great pride in being first because we are so firm in our own sense of ourselves that we don’t feel any loss of pride if we say sorry. We don’t feel threatened or challenged or weak. We can say sorry and still be strong. We can say sorry and retain our dignity and respect.

We will say sorry because we are sorry. We are sorry to have become embroiled in an argument of any sort and have by the very nature of arguing forgotten at least five Rules.

You see, if it has got as far as a falling out, no matter how trivial or minor, we have already committed a few cardinal mistakes and thus should be the first to say sorry because we are in the wrong, no matter what the argument is about. Arguing is what we are saying sorry for. Never mind what it was about, we are saying sorry first because we are noble, kind, generous in spirit, dignified, mature, sensible and good. I know, I know, gosh we have to be all these things and still say sorry. Tough call, tall order. Just do it and see how good it makes you feel. The view is always fantastic from the moral high ground.

And what if you are both reading this book? Heavens. Then you must not tell each other you are – Rule 1 – but then race to be the first to say sorry. Could be interesting. Let me know how you get on.

Saying sorry has many benefits, even if it does stick in your throat a little. Not only does it give you the moral advantage, but it also defuses tension, gets rid of bad feelings and clears the air. Chances are that if you say sorry first, your partner will also probably be humbled into apologizing. Maybe.

Always remember you are not apologizing for the sin or crime or faux pas you have committed – you are apologizing for being so immature to have argued in the first place, apologizing for losing your rag, apologizing for forgetting Rules, apologizing for being boorish or argumentative or stubborn or rude or childish or whatever. You can come out of your room now.