Blimey, if you thought the previous rule was tough, try this one . . . But the future is where it’s all going to happen, I hear you cry. The future is where I’m going to be successful, happy, rich, beautiful, famous, in love, in work, out of this crap relationship, out on the town, surrounded by friends, surrounded by the finest wines money can buy. Yep, those might be plans or dreams or whatever. But again, this here and now is where it is actually at. This is the moment you’ve been waiting for all your life. This is the moment you must appreciate without all those other things you long for. Look, longing really is the sweetest thing. Having those dreams is brilliant. Don’t let anyone ever tell you dreaming is a bad thing. But appreciate that it is the you right now that is doing the dreaming. Enjoy the wishing and the longing. Enjoy being alive and having the strength and vitality to do all that dreaming.

Living in the moment doesn’t mean throwing away all your responsibilities and cares; it doesn’t mean taking off and being a total pleasure seeker; it doesn’t mean sitting cross-legged and breathing deeply – although all and any of these things is fine if you want. It just means taking a moment or two every now and then to appreciate being alive and to aim to act like today matters and live life to the full, right here, right now.

We can’t project all our future happiness into the future – ‘Oh if only I were richer/younger/healthier/happier/more in love/less in this relationship/had a better job/had nicer children/had a better car/were slimmer/taller/fitter/had more hair/better teeth/more clothes’ – the list is endless. If only this or that was changed everything would be perfect, wouldn’t it? Unfortunately not – it just doesn’t work like that. When this and that gets changed there will always be something else, waiting its turn and putting off that happiness until some later date. If you were to suddenly find that you were slimmer/fitter or whatever, then you’d probably find yourself wanting to be richer or that your partner was more loving. You’d find other things to wish for to make you happy.

Forget bigger and better and richer and thinner. The key is to appreciate what we’ve got right now, and yet still dream and plan. That way we’ll be a little happier now than if we’re constantly looking to the future, where happiness apparently lies.

And don’t go thinking it’s all right for me; it’s not. I too need to lose a few pounds, certainly get fitter, get more stuff (and how we all love stuff). But I also value the way I am and appreciate what I’ve got right now because – and this is the secret – it is real. The me that is now is the real me, the future one isn’t yet born and may not happen. (You mean I might not lose that extra weight or get fitter? Yep, right.) And the stuff I have now is at least real, tangible, solid. Dreams are great but reality is fine too.