This isn’t the original version of this book, you know.^* In the first edition (as in this one) I invited readers to contact me with their own Rules. This particular one – which I couldn’t agree with more – was suggested to me by a 16-year-old schoolboy from India. I mention this for two reasons. Firstly, because it just goes to show that you’re never too young to follow the Rules. And secondly, because I think it’s significant that this comes from someone who is still in education and therefore expects to learn from other people. It’s a Rule that demands a measure of humility that all of us could do with (well, alright then, I could do with).

People often tell us not to compare ourselves with others. The argument for this is that it’s arrogant if we think we’re better, and demoralizing if we think we’re worse. Also that we’re all different so the comparison can’t be accurate. However, when you’re at work, you’re constantly set targets for performance, and quite right too. And in fact we should set our own targets in our personal lives (see Rule 29). And this applies not only to our plans, but also to our own behaviour and development.

None of us is perfect – we all know that. We all wish we could be more patient or kinder or more tolerant or harder working or better parents or more sensible with money. But how much more? The best way to decide what to aim for is to use someone you respect as a touchstone. ‘I’d like to be as well organized as this person’ or ‘as calm as that person’. You see? You’re comparing yourself to other people, but in a positive way. It means you can see how much work you have to do, and you can see that it’s achievable. You don’t have to tell them you’re using them as your guide, although you can certainly ask their advice if it would help.

You might think that it could be depressing always to be comparing yourself with people who are better than you. But as my 16-year-old friend wisely points out, one person is good and the other is better. No one is scoring badly here, and anyway you get extra brownie points for the fact that you’re being honest with yourself about where there’s room for improvement, and then taking positive steps to achieve this.

Seeing the people around us as teachers is something that comes naturally when you’re 16. Sadly we can lose that attitude as we get older. But if we have any sense we surround ourselves with good, positive people, so actually it would be odd if we couldn’t learn from them, wouldn’t it? And it’s our best chance of beating Rule 2.^**