It is very easy in the rush of living to overlook people close to us. I do it. I have brothers who are very special, very close to me and I forget to phone, forget to stay in touch. Not because I don’t care but because I am too busy. Unforgivable. Every now and then I’ll complain that I haven’t heard from them. But of course it is me not staying in touch just as much as it is them. We have to make time, because if we don’t, time slips past so fast that a few weeks become months, and then years are added on before we know it.

It’s the same with children. Parents all harbour a secret fantasy of, ‘Wouldn’t it be nice to return to the Victorian ideal of seeing them for an hour before bedtime when nanny has them all bathed and pyjama-ed and ready with the muffins and jam?’ sort of thing. Well, I know I do even if you don’t. But the more time we put into our relationships – with children, siblings, parents, friends – the more we get out of them. It has to be us to make the move, to phone, to stay in touch. And what if they don’t also do this? Fine. You’re now the Rules Player.

This is what you do. You become incredibly successful at handling your life, at processing guilt (you don’t have any because you phoned, you wrote, you stayed in touch), at forgiveness (they didn’t phone or write or stay in touch), at relationships in general. You take the moral high ground and be the first to offer the hand of friendship, be the first to forgive and forget (and I don’t care how serious the squabble was, Rules Players don’t carry grudges, ever . . .).

No matter how busy your life is – and I hope these Rules will eliminate some stress and free up some time – you have to make time. You have to make quality time (sorry, I hate that expression as well) for all those around you to whom you make a difference. Those that love you get repaid in time – it’s a fair exchange. They love you and you give them something of yourself, something precious. Yep, your time and attention. And you do this willingly, not as a chore. You do this with dedication and commitment and wholehearted enthusiasm – or you don’t do it at all. There is no point spending quality time with your kids, for example, and using that time to catch up on work or read the paper or get tomorrow’s lunchboxes ready. You have to be there entirely for them or they’ll know your attention is elsewhere and they’ll feel cheated.

So when the phone rings and it’s your mum, grandmother or your old friend but you’re really busy doing something, don’t keep them on the phone making ‘uh huh’ noises while you simultaneously finish searching the web or writing that email. Either put everything down and give them your full attention, or ask if you can call them back later – and make sure you do. One day they might not be there – and then you will so desperately wish you’d actually listened. But then it’ll be too late. So make time for the people who matter – today.