Years ago when I worked in one particular industry, whenever something was going wrong my boss would always sigh and say, ‘Well, I guess we can try the “American solution”’.^* What he meant, basically, was throw money at it until it went away. At work this approach often works wonders but problems in life tend to need a more hands-on approach, a more delicate touch. We tend to think that if we just chuck enough money at things they’ll get sorted out, instead of finding ways to really sort them out that require time and attention and care.

Let’s go back to that getting older thing again. You might think that throwing money at it in the shape of cosmetic surgery might be the answer but it isn’t; it only delays things and can create worse problems than it solves. How much better to work on one’s mental approach to ageing and come to terms with it in a dignified and graceful way instead. If somebody you care about seems distracted, tense, not themselves, then buying them a present might well cheer them up, but the better (and cheaper) option is to make time to take them out for a walk and ask them about themselves, giving them the opportunity to talk.

We tend to think that if we spend more money on something it will solve the problem. Maybe sometimes we need an old--fashioned approach of time and attention and finding out. Like our grandparents, who didn’t throw something away and get a new one when it had stopped working – they patiently sat down and tried to sort out what it was that had gone wrong and if there was a way to put it right again. That went for relationships as well as for watches or kettles.

Throwing money at things makes us feel powerful and grown-up when instead we might need to stand back and see if we couldn’t do better by changing the situation another way. I know I’m as guilty of this one as anybody. It happens to me most with cars. I buy a car – usually an expensive, temperamental, costly-to-fix model. Then when it goes wrong, as it invariably does, I pay the garage to come out and take it away and spend a fortune having it put right. How much simpler my life would be if I could stand back and see that the car was unsuitable in the first place, basically a mistake. Throwing money at it now doesn’t alleviate the problem, it merely delays it, puts it off until the next time when it goes wrong again. And it will. Oh believe me, it will, it always does. In this case the American solution most definitely doesn’t work.