Just because we come together to be a couple for however long, doesn’t mean we are joined at the hip and have to think the same, do the same, feel the same, react the same. I have noticed that the most successful relationships are the ones where the couple is strong together but also strong apart. The best relationships are the ones where both people are supportive of each other’s interest even if they aren’t their own.

Being supportive of your partner and what they want to do means you have to be very centred yourself not to feel jealous or mistrustful or resentful. You have to be prepared for them to be independent, strong, out in the world separate from you. It can be hard. It can ask a lot of you. It can be a real test of how much you care and how protective you tend to be.

The more freedom you give/allow/tolerate/encourage, the more likely they will be to reciprocate and return. If a partner feels they are encouraged and trusted, they are much less likely to ‘stray’ or want out because they feel hemmed in or caged. The more supportive you are, the more they will feel they are being treated kindly and that is a good thing.

But what if you disagree with what they want to do? Then you have to look at your own stuff I’m afraid. You see, they are a separate human being and entitled to do pretty well whatever they want to do – assuming it isn’t hurtful to you or in any serious way jeopardizes the relationship (such as sleeping with other people or committing crimes) – and it is your role to be supportive. You may need to question what it is about what they want to do that you find hard to go along with. This might be more about you than them.

Ask yourself – if they do this, if they go ahead, what’s the worst that can happen? They make a mess of your floor, ruin part of the garden, spend money on something you don’t really want, aren’t around much for a week. Now compare that to the thought of them leaving, or living with you frustrated and unhappy. Which is worse?

Of course, just because they say they want to do something doesn’t mean they will. Some very stubborn types will, however, be more likely to go ahead and do it just because you’re objecting to everything they mention. Say ‘yes’ and they might well never bother anyway.

If you look ahead to Rule 70, you will read about how you should treat your partner better than your best friend, and being supportive is part of this. We forget that our partner is a separate entity. We forget that they too have dreams and plans and unfulfilled ambitions. It is our job to encourage them to find their path, to realize those ambitions, to stretch themselves to their fullest extent, to be complete and satisfied and fulfilled. It is not our job to put them down, ridicule their dreams, belittle their plans or laugh at their ambitions. It is not our job to discourage them, put them off, place obstacles in their path or restrict them in any way. It is our job to encourage them to soar.