Day 15

Rest Day. During Week Two, it’s a good bet that you found yourself having at least one conversation with your inner critic. Also known as “the committee,” or negative self-talk, this is the self-defeating voice you hear in your head that says: “You’re not good enough,” “You don’t know how,” and “They won’t like you.” The inner critic often has much to say about sales and marketing. This is a place in your life where you are putting yourself on the line, often bringing up all your concerns with being inadequate. Negative self-talk is one of the biggest obstacles you must overcome to achieve success.

Everyone has an inner critic (yes, everyone!), but some people manage it better than others. It is possible to manage it so well that you hardly notice it. To begin managing your inner critic, here are some steps to follow:

1. Raise your awareness. Every time you find yourself fearful, nervous, hesitant, or second-guessing, stop and notice what is happening. You may have a particular behavior pattern that manifests itself when the inner critic is active, such as procrastinating, avoiding people or projects, or being distracted by trivial interruptions. Or there may be a body sensation you can recognize as a warning sign, like a tight throat, sweaty palms, or a sinking feeling in your stomach. When you notice any of these possible signs of negative self-talk, pause to listen to the conversation. Write down what you hear your inner critic saying and keep a list.

2. Take responsibility. Once you have a catalog of your inner critic’s greatest hits, be aware that you can choose to change the music. Just like with fear and resistance, you don’t have to let these negative messages stop you. Begin by constructing a fair and accurate response to each of the messages you typically hear and use your response whenever you notice it. If your negative self-talk threatens, “They are going to say no to you,” you might respond, “Yes, that’s possible, but they also might say yes. I’ll never know until I ask.” If your inner critic tells you, “Don’t do that—you might make a mistake,” a good response is, “Yes, I might, but I’ll learn from it and move on.” Learning to manage negative self-talk is an attainable skill; the only requirement is that you be willing to try.

3. Practice self-management. Learning any new skill takes practice, and managing your inner critic is no exception. At first it may be difficult to catch your inner critic in the act; you may realize only later where the reluctance you were feeling was coming from. This is a normal part of learning self-management. Just use your positive response as soon as you think of it. Over time, you will become more skilled at hearing negative messages in “real time,” and be better able to respond immediately. If you use this process consistently, the messages will begin to lose their power over you because you will stop believing them.

Thought for the day: The main difference between a skill and a talent is a lot of practice.