Don’t Fake It—Have Real Confidence

Oh yeah, and how exactly are you supposed to do that? If you’re shy or anxious, it’s all very well saying, “Be confident!” but that’s not how real life works is it? You can’t just turn it on. So why even bother telling you to make it real?

Hang on a minute and hear me out. Confidence is all about knowing what you’re doing. So it stands to reason that the better you know your “script” the more confidence—genuine confidence—you will feel. You just need to think through what you’re doing and be clear about it.

Suppose you’re one of those people who hates the whole “do I or don’t I” thing when it comes to handshakes. What if you don’t know whether to offer a hand? Hang on, who put the other person in charge of the script? You just have to decide that you’re doing the handshake regardless, and then as soon as you greet the other person you firmly put out a hand with a broad smile. See? You just wrote the script, and you know exactly what’s in it. And you come across as being confident. So you win all around.

If you know you find meeting and greeting hard, just have a script ready and planned before you get there. Practice in a mirror. Rehearse the moment in your head—play it through as if you are watching it happen. Decide whether you’ll shake hands, and have a few lines of greeting ready or a couple of questions prepared to get a conversation going. You might not feel confident about absolutely everything, but you will feel confident about those crucial first 10 minutes.

It may feel like you’re going through the motions slightly the first couple of times you do this, but believe me it will quickly become a habit, and the confidence soon will be as real as it looks.