Tell Them What You Want Without Asking

OK, I said on the cover of this book that you could get what you wanted without having to ask. And you can—perhaps not always but most of the time. However, if you need someone else to give it to you, you may need to let them know that you want it. Without asking.

The simplest way to do this, blindingly obvious as it is, is just to say that you want it. No asking. So you can let your boss know at your appraisal that you see yourself moving up the career ladder swiftly, or that you see yourself working ultimately on the PR side of marketing. Next time an opportunity arises for a promotion or new responsibilities, they’ll know you’re interested already. So if they think you have a chance, they’ll come to you.

You can similarly let your friends and out-of-work colleagues know what your aims are. When someone else gets invited to join the board of trustees of the local charity you support, you can say, “Good for them. I’d love to do that.” Someone listening who might not have considered you may well make a mental note for next time.

Let your father know about your friend who always takes her sister on vacation to help with the kids. Tell him, “I think that’s such a good idea. It must be a huge help to have an extra adult there.” Maybe he’ll offer before you need to ask.

If someone’s in a position to help you, and they’d like to support you, why wouldn’t they offer? I’ll tell you why: Because they have no idea that you want it. Apparently one survey of single people found that 98 percent of respondents would like their friends to help find them a new partner, but four out of five had never actually let their friends know this.