Give Them What They Want

It would be lovely if everyone in this world was filled with altruism and love of humankind. Well, some of them are of course, but even they still have personal wants, too. So give them something in exchange for saying yes.

I don’t mean a bunch of flowers or a box of chocolates—although there are times when that may be appropriate. I mean before they’ve said yes. Let them know that helping you will benefit them in some way.

No, I’m not talking about bribery. I’m not suggesting you slip your boss a brown envelope full of cash in exchange for putting your name forward to head up the next big project. Indeed I’m not talking about making anything conditional on them saying yes. I’m just saying you should draw their attention to any benefits they’ll derive personally from saying yes to you.

If your dad minds the kids for you, he’ll get more time with them, followed by a peaceful evening once they’ve gone to bed. If the next PR manager comes from your boss’s department, that will reflect well on the boss. If your partner helps you lose weight, you’re much more likely to agree to the kind of vacation that entails lazing around in a swimsuit. If your in-laws help you buy a house, you’ll be able to move nearer to them.¹¹

Sometimes you can add in a benefit (we can move nearer to you), and sometimes it’s just a matter of drawing their attention to a benefit that will come automatically if you get what you want. Either way, make sure they’re fully aware of all the ways this could help them get something they want, too.