Be Sure You’re Sorry

Some people are programmed to apologize no matter what. Just to keep the peace, I suppose. I don’t really know—it’s not one of my traits frankly. But I can see that it’s intended to be conciliatory, which should in theory be a good thing. But it’s not good to do it to excess. I know people who say “sorry” when someone walks straight into them, and take the blame for a mix-up that was clearly caused by the other person not listening, and apologize for serving up “burned” food when no one had noticed it was a bit brown on top, and say sorry for delivering a report late when the facts were changed two days before it was due.

If it’s not your fault, don’t apologize. You don’t have to blame anyone else; you can express regret that things have turned out this way, you can acknowledge the mess-up, but don’t actually say sorry when you’ve done nothing wrong.

What does this have to do with getting what you want, you may be wondering. Well, I’ll tell you. It’s back to that confidence thing. People are far more likely to feel confident in you, respect you, and trust you, if you come across as being reliable, confident, and trustworthy. That’s not exactly rocket science, is it? So if you keep apologizing you give the unconscious impression that you keep making mistakes. Why would your bank manager give you a loan, your boss give you a promotion, your dad lend you his car, your friend go on vacation with you, or your neighbor let you take three feet off the top of the hedge between your gardens, if you keep messing up?