Don’t Rush Them

I had a boss once who had a great line for preventing people from pressuring him. If ever you tried to push him into a decision about anything he’d say, “If you want an answer now, it’s no.” That was really helpful, actually, brusque as it sounded, because he could easily have just said no without letting on that you might have got a yes if you’d waited. That’s what lots of people do, sometimes without really recognizing that they’re doing it.

The fact is that, for most decisions, no is a safer answer than yes. It simply maintains the status quo—how much trouble can you create just by declining someone’s request? Very little. Whereas saying yes could lead to all sorts of hassle and ramifications and difficulties and unpleasantness. You really can’t afford to say yes unless you’ve had plenty of time to think through all the possible consequences. And if you’re not being given that time—if you’re being put under pressure for an answer—it’s much safer to say no. Not to mention quicker and easier and gets the whole thing off your back.

So if you want to help the other person say yes to you, it’s really important not to rush them into a decision. If they’re really dragging their feet to the point where it’s causing problems, try asking them when they’ll be able to give you an answer. That doesn’t pressure them but lets you know where you stand.

As a complete aside here, I would just remark that this is a brilliant answer to give other people when you don’t want them rushing you. I find it works very well with kids, who try to catch you in an unguarded moment to ask for things you’re not sure they should have. Try saying “If you want an answer now, it’s no” to a teenager, and suddenly they’re happy for you to take all the time you need to think about it.