Don’t Talk Behind People’s Backs

I can remember a colleague I used to have who was fairly popular, being funny and entertaining and very good company. There was a group of about half a dozen of us who worked closely together at one time, and got on very well. One lunchtime he and I went out for a bite to eat together, and he started being quite catty about one of the girls in our group of friends. I really didn’t like this at all, and it also set me wondering what he was saying about me behind my back.

You see, it wasn’t only the poor girl in question who, if she knew what was going on (and she found out eventually), had reason to feel aggrieved. I wasn’t at all sure I wanted to be his friend either. Back then I’d learned less than I have since, and I carried on hanging out with John for the entertainment value. But I made damn sure I didn’t tell him anything private, and I never trusted him after that.

No matter how justified your views about people may be, talking behind their backs will always put you in a bad light, and make you appear disloyal. If it isn’t necessary to say anything, then it’s necessary to say nothing. I’m not saying you can’t pass on important information, for the right reasons, to someone who actually needs to know. And of course you and your partner or very best friends are allowed to discuss what you think of people honestly. That’s not the same thing at all, as you know. We all know when we’re bitching, even when we pretend to ourselves that there’s a valid reason for it. But it actually makes us look a lot worse than our intended target.