Pick Up the Signals

People don’t always say what they’re thinking—at least not in words. But that doesn’t mean you can’t work it out. We say a lot more with our bodies than we do with our mouths, and if you learn to look for the signs, you will generally have a pretty good idea of how the other person really feels. Maybe the person you’re talking to is silently angry, or nervous, or just plain uninterested but trying to hide it.

Just ignore everything you’ve been told about some people being intuitive and others just not. Anyone can learn to read body language. In fact, if you’re not especially intuitive, you really need to learn how. It’s just a matter of training yourself to remember to look for signals.

If you’re on the lookout, it’s not hard to read body language. And I’ll tell you something else—when it conflicts with the words someone is saying, it will be the body language that’s telling the truth. You can bet on that.

So what are you looking out for? Well, broadly speaking, relaxed confident people look relaxed and confident. I’m sorry if that sounds too simple, but it really is simple. They sit or stand in a relaxed stance, arms by their sides or in their laps (if they’re not holding anything), and they smile readily (and properly, so it reaches their eyes). Tense people (who are angry or anxious or in a hurry, or whatever) are more likely to cross their arms and their legs, fidget, strum their fingers and hold themselves more rigidly. Angry people sound tense, lean forward, and often clench their fists. Bored people will look over your shoulder or check their watch—even while telling you they’re interested in what you have to say.

The only challenge here is looking for the signs. Reading them is honestly simple.