Use the Right Words

It’s important, if you want someone to say yes, that you talk about what you want—whether you’re actually asking—in terms that will make it sound appealing. And they may not be attracted by the same things as you. In the same way that you need to know what drives people, you also need to know which words give them a positive feeling—and which don’t.

If you were trying to describe a park ghost train ride to a typical teenage boy, you might tell them, “Come on—you’ll love it! It’s really fast and scary!” That would do the trick with a lot of teenagers I know. But it certainly wouldn’t work on some of their grandparents. You’d need to tell them, “It’s completely safe, and it’s so safe it’s funny.” Same ride, different words.

When you get to know people well—your boss or your family or your kids or your friends—you discover that they all have words that turn them on or off. Some people are a sucker for anything “exciting,” or “funny,” or “quirky.” I used to have a manager who would agree to anything so long as she was convinced it was “reliable” or “proven.” She liked words that sounded safe. It’s always worth listening to the kind of language they use themselves—that can give you clues as to what kind of words will work best on them.

If you want someone to support you, work out which words they like to hear, and then use those words to convince them to do it.