Tell Them You Need Them

Ooh but people do like to be flattered. I’ve said it before. And I’ll repeat that any flattery must be sincere. Lots of people respond remarkably well to feeling needed, and if it’s true, the flattery isn’t hollow.

If you need someone, why not say so? It will give them a warm feeling, and help them to realize that if they don’t help you, the job of supporting you won’t just be passed on to the next person because there isn’t a next person. You’re relying on her. That should focus her mind a bit. Help her to say yes.

Just one thing here—this is another of those times when you have to be sure not to emotionally blackmail the other person. You’re not trying to make him feel guilty about you—you just want him to know that he’s important to your plans. If you tip over into implying that if he doesn’t help you all your hopes and dreams will be cruelly dashed, that’s emotional blackmail and he won’t like it. What’s more, if he has any sense, he won’t help you.

The clue to the difference is in the word “emotional.” If you tell him matter-of-factly that you need his help, and then don’t whine about it, you’re fine. If you allow emotion into the proceedings—being whiny or pathetic or telling him how if he doesn’t help you’ll suffer this or that—that’s when you’ve gone too far. Especially if you keep going on about it.