Praise but Don’t Flatter

People like to be praised, whether it’s for a sparkling piece of work or a stylish choice of clothing, a generous gesture or a clever idea. So give them what they want—they’ll appreciate you for it.

Praise sometimes get a bad reputation for some reason. Some people misguidedly believe that too much of it is a bad thing, or that it will just sound insincere. If you’re worried about this, just remember these guidelines:

• Keep it in proportion. Don’t gush all over someone just because his report was neatly laid out. Give him modest recognition, and save the real effusiveness for the really exceptional achievements.

• Don’t worry about sounding insincere. The rule is very simple: If it is sincere, it will sound sincere. If you’re making it up, it will come across as empty flattery. The thing that needs to change is that you need to voice what you’re already thinking more often, not make up things to praise people for.

• Bear in mind that the praise you give says a lot about your values. If you praise people for only being clever, they’ll come to assume that that’s what matters to you. If you praise people for hard work as well as actual achievement, they’ll realize that you care about effort as well as results. Praise people for being generous or hard working or considerate or brave or quick, and those are the things you’ll be telling them you care about.