RULE 8

The pen is mightier than the sword

This sounds like a very old-fashioned saying, but that’s because I’m using the Rule in its traditional form. It’s all about how you get your point across when you want to argue, persuade, convince, debate, or otherwise impress something on someone.

The old-fashioned phrasing needs to be taken with a pinch of salt, but its meaning is sound. It might be better to say, ‘Words are better than aggression’. Doesn’t sound as catchy, does it? However, it indicates that the words can be either written or spoken. And I’m glad to say we don’t generally resolve our arguments these days with swords, but the message is that words beat any form of aggression, from insults to physical violence.

I hope that as a Rules player you don’t need telling that violence isn’t acceptable (except in extreme circumstances in self-defence or defending others from attack). However, this Rule isn’t just about not hitting or attacking other people, it’s also about not threatening to do so, and not being abusive in your words or your manner.

Obviously I’m going to tell you that these things aren’t Rules behaviour, because they’re not. However, that’s not the only reason to follow this Rule. As with all the Rules in this book, it’s about what actually works in the long run. And the fact is that abuse and violence won’t succeed in the way that words will.

Whether you need to write a letter, or prepare something to say face to face, if you want to win an argument you need to have the strongest case, not just the strongest right hook. Arguments are won with words. If you resort to other measures your best hope is to bludgeon the other person into silence. If you achieve this, and get your own way, you still haven’t actually won the argument. You’ve simply silenced the opposition.

If you genuinely have the better case, you need to make it clear by putting together a coherent argument and winning people over to your way of thinking. You can’t be sure you’re right unless you know why and, if you know why, you can explain those reasons to other people. If you feel you’re not good with words, find someone who is and get them to help you find a few choice phrases or persuasive examples or clinching arguments to express yourself with. Then get people on your side with logic and empathy. And remember that if you’re not asking them to lose, to back down, to admit defeat, they’re far more likely to agree with you. Try to make them feel as if you’re both on the same side so they have nothing to lose by agreeing with you.

And if that doesn’t work, consider the possibility that maybe the other person actually has a better case than you …