RULE TO BREAK

“Respect the elderly”

I can clearly remember being told, when I was a boy, to ‘respect the elderly’. I couldn’t see why, to be honest, except because I was likely to get a belt round the ear if I didn’t. Old people seemed to me to be out of touch, inflexible and in many cases cantankerous old stick-in-the-muds.

Looking back, I think a lot of the problem was that expression, ‘the elderly’. It bundled everyone over the age of, oh, I should say around 40 from my childish perspective, into one homogeneous mass. One grey-haired, humbug-sucking, whingeing collective of people, all burbling on about how it wasn’t like this in their day.

Of course I didn’t include my grandparents in this. I knew them personally, and they weren’t like that. They shared a few minor traits with my elderly archetype, but they were far more three-dimensional. Much more interesting altogether.

Now, I’m sorry to say, I’m well on my way to being elderly myself. And apart from the grey hairs, I don’t recognize that stereotype in myself at all. Or in any of my friends. Or in the contemporaries I meet. Actually, the more people I encounter, the more I realize that no one fits my stereotype of an elderly person – at least not once I get to know them.

I understand now that the enjoinder to ‘respect the elderly’ was all wrong. Because despite appearing to be morally righteous, it in fact suggested that all older people were exactly the same, and could be conveniently grouped together in a way which was actually patronizing and dismissive.

The fact is that we should respect everyone, unless they give us a good reason not to. That includes individuals who happen to be old, young or anywhere in between. Or indeed from any background whatever. Everyone is interesting and unique once you scratch deeply enough, and until you have a chance to do so, everyone should be treated with courtesy and consideration.

Yes, indeed, some old people are out of touch. So are some young people. Meanwhile, many older people have an enviable grasp of new technology and can find their way around Facebook in the dark.^* Some of them dislike change, and many of them always did, even when they were nippers. Others love variety and many fall somewhere between the extremes. Some older people have been through a lot and learnt nothing, and others have used their time well and are extremely wise. Maybe they always were, even when they were young.

If anyone respects me 20 years from now, I don’t want them to do it because I’m grey-haired and suck humbugs all day long. I want them to do it because I’m me.