RULE TO BREAK

“Trust no one”

It’s easy to advise you to go through life trusting no one, and I’ve met people who do it. They’re invariably unsettled, anxious and always prepared for trouble. I generally find they’re not hugely trustworthy either.

The thing is in life that people tend to get what they give. So if you’re trustworthy, reliable, and show integrity, that’s broadly what you’ll get in return. That’s assuming you don’t choose to hang out with drugs barons and Mafiosi and underworld gangs – though some of them are probably trustworthy too. People would rather be good, and prefer to be liked. So they don’t break trust without a reason. Of course it doesn’t always work out like that, but that’s pretty much everyone’s intent.

If you don’t give someone the chance to show they can be trusted, they’ll be on their guard and resent your lack of faith in them. That makes them less likely to want to treat you well. So why not start out by expecting them to be reliable, and inviting them to live up to your expectations? Being trusted is a compliment, and one that people will appreciate and reciprocate.

Listen, you’ll have the odd bad experience this way, I’m not denying that, but you’ll have far fewer than if you go through life expecting people to let you down. Because that’s just what they’ll do.

You may not be aware of it, but you’re the same. If people assume you’re trustworthy, my guess is that you do your best not to disappoint them. Whereas if you sense that someone doesn’t trust you, you feel no such compunction about letting them down. Sound familiar?

To go through life not trusting people is a miserable existence. You can never relax, you feel always disappointed and let down. The need to trust is not so much about whether the other person will or won’t live up to it, but about what happens to you if you become the kind of person who can’t trust others. Trust is a wonderful feeling, with all the love and security it brings, so why deny yourself? That way lies madness.

The joy you get when someone is trustworthy against the odds is worth being let down 100 times. I read a newspaper story about a man who befriended a homeless drifter, fed and clothed him, and eventually even gave him a job. How many of us could have shown that kind of trust? The guy lived up to it though, and got back on his feet. What a rewarding feeling that must have been for the generous bloke who invested in him. In the end, the only way to find out if someone is trustworthy is to try it and see.