RULE TO BREAK

“Some people are just difficult”

Some people seem to be downright unpleasant. Maybe they’re always winding other people up, or they won’t stop bragging about how smart or clever or sporty or rich they are. Could be that they like stirring up trouble and passing on things told to them in confidence. They end up losing friends over it – or not acquiring friends in the first place.

So why do they do it, if it means very few people like them? No one likes to be unpopular. I’m not talking about the people who have plenty of friends but you’re not one of them. I’m talking about the people who know they’re unpopular, but still keep boasting or niggling or irritating regardless.

There has to be a reason, you know. People don’t act in a way that alienates others without some sort of reason driving them to do it. That’s not rational. So when you encounter people like this, try to work out what’s behind their behaviour. Why? Are you asking me why you should bother? Well, because you’re a Rules player, that’s why.

Listen, these people need help. And it costs you nothing to think about how you can help them. Maybe they want attention, maybe they feel insecure – people who keep telling you how great they are, are talking to themselves, even if they don’t recognize the fact. They’re insecure and they’re trying to reassure themselves that they’re OK. Lots of people feel small, and try to big themselves up by putting other people down. It’s not clever, and it’s not the right way to deal with it, but you can kind of see where they’re coming from.

If you can start to see what drives these people’s behaviour, it’s easier for you to cope with it. It may still be a pain, but it should be a bit more bearable. That in itself is a good reason to put yourself in their shoes.

On top of that, maybe you can help to give them what they need. For example, the natural tendency with big-heads is to put them down. Quite understandable. But counter-productive. If you do that, they’ll need to big themselves up even more, so they’ll get worse and not better. Far better to force yourself to give them credit when they deserve it, much as it may stick in your craw. Comment on how well-organized their launch event was, or how well written you found their report, or how well they fielded at Saturday’s match, or how you envy their talent at interior décor. Yes, I know you don’t want to, but you’ll be doing everyone a favour.

It won’t always work, but you should feel better for having tried. People with these kinds of tendencies often have parents who rarely show approval, or partners who are pushing them harder than they can cope with, or some other circumstance which may not justify their behaviour, but could in part explain it. Often it’s too big an issue for you alone to put right for them, but a bit of kindness from a Rules player who’s big enough to do it can count for a lot. Go on, give it a go. What have you got to lose?