RULE TO BREAK

“Don’t waste your time on people who aren’t worth it”

I worked with a young man years ago who was notoriously sullen and taciturn. I was new to the job, and everyone told me there was just no point trying to hold a conversation with him – I’d be wasting my time. They seemed to be right. It was well-nigh impossible to get so much as a grunt out of him.

For some reason I took this as a personal challenge. I don’t really know why – certainly not out of any virtuous motive. Anyway, I used to ask him questions and not give up until I had an answer. Then I started asking more open questions, which required fuller answers. After a couple of months, he’d relented to the point where I could hold a good conversation with him.

And you know what? He turned out to be a great guy. Other people started chatting to him and he opened up, and after about six months he was very popular. It turned out he wasn’t sullen at all, just painfully inhibited, and unbeknown to us all he’d been going through a terrible time at home. Once he’d gained his confidence, he really benefited from the support of all his ‘new’ friends, and we all benefited from having him as a mate.

Despite having done this for all the wrong reasons, I learnt a valuable lesson. Time invested in people is never wasted. Sometimes you don’t see the results yourself, sometimes you do, but either way the other person will gain from your attention and friendship. You can think you’re wasting your time on someone and discover years later how much difference you made to that person’s self-esteem or confidence.

Some people are taciturn, like my friend, and others can seem like too much effort because they’re belligerent or stupid or immature or irritating. But who knows what lurks beneath all that stuff unless you take the trouble to find out? You don’t have to become best friends, but you can certainly give them the time of day and treat them well. Most negative qualities are there for a reason, and there may be secrets in someone’s past that explain why they come across as they do.

Look, let’s be honest. Sometimes you won’t get anywhere with a particular person. You may find out that you’ve gone out of your way for someone only to find you get snubbed or are unappreciated. Or worse (rarely, I’m relieved to say) that a person has been very rude to you or slighted you behind your back. So that person wasn’t worth it, were they? Nope, doesn’t change a thing. You did the right thing, and kept the moral high ground, and that’s what matters.

It really isn’t for us to judge who is and isn’t worth our time. As Rules players we treat everyone well, and don’t question whether they ‘deserve’ it. It doesn’t hurt us and, once in a while, you may discover a good and loyal friend where you never expected to. And that’s a great feeling.