RULE TO BREAK

“Know what you want”

Some people seem to be born with an inbuilt sense of what they want and where they’re going. If you’re one of them, you can consider yourself very lucky. It’s a great thing to have. But if you aren’t one of those people, life doesn’t come so easy when you’re making choices about school, college, jobs, relationships.

It doesn’t help that the people who do know what they want tend to think you should be like them. ‘Come on!’ they say, ‘Have a plan!’ The implication is that it’s somehow your own fault that you have no driving ambition or sense of direction. Well, take it from me, it isn’t your fault. And if the world was filled with people who all knew exactly what they wanted and how they were going to get it, I should imagine it would be a lot more cutthroat and aggressive than it is. So thank you for being you.

Nevertheless, the risk for you is that you’ll just drift. It may not matter that much when you’re in your early twenties, but by the time you’re 40 you’ll be frustrated and quite possibly a drain on other people if you’re earning very little and slowly losing confidence as a result of feeling your life wafting past aimlessly. I’ve seen it happen and it’s tough. So if you feel directionless when you’re 20, address it now. Don’t wait for the months to add up to years and then decades before you take action.

What action to take? First of all, make sure you’re usefully employed doing anything rather than nothing. Even if you don’t really enjoy your job, it beats being unemployed. That’s because being unemployed saps your confidence, your self-respect and your bank account – which will make it even harder for you to find a sense of direction.

A significant majority of people who don’t know what they want when they leave college sooner or later, a few years on, discover a direction that excites them. Think about what your passion is – even if you can’t see a way to make a living from it, maybe there is one. You could work in a shop that sells your kind of computer games, or sports equipment, or artists’ materials. You may not fancy the idea of being a shop assistant, but if it means spending all day with people who share your passion, perhaps you might feel differently? At least it will keep you busy while you find a better career.

Just keep trying new things, exploring new avenues. Consider going back to college, or retraining, or just trying something really different. If you stop looking and experimenting and meeting new people, I can guarantee you’ll never find a job that inspires you. Don’t panic and put yourself under pressure – you’ve got a job so you can take your time. But do position yourself to find out about new options and different jobs. Socially as well as professionally, stay alert and be ready to try anything. Your time will come.