RULE TO BREAK

“Narrow down your options”

OK, I know I just said that it can help to stop worrying over a problem and just zen it. And I stand by that. However, that’s not the only way to deal with every tricky problem. Sometimes you need to try something else before you get to that point, or after you’ve passed it.

One of my sons is coming up to choosing a university course. Or he might go straight to art school. There are a lot of options – and if he does choose university, he isn’t sure which subject he’ll study. There’s an instinct in this situation to make a basic decision, such as art school versus uni, in order to contain the question and make it seem easier to cope with.

However, this is just the point at which you need to do the opposite. Look at all the options. Consider them all fully. When there’s so much buzzing around in your head, you need some kind of gut feeling to tell you which way to go. You need to listen to your instincts. And the best way to do that is to think about all the paths you could take and then observe yourself thinking about them. Note your intuitive response to them.

This is a lot easier, and more informative, than drawing up long lists of pros and cons. And in the end these decisions are really down to instinct. Monitor how you react to each possibility. Are you unconsciously looking for excuses to decide against art school? Is there one subject at uni that makes you feel particularly excited, even if it’s not the obvious one?

Look, if there was a clear best choice on paper, you’d know it. If there is, and you’re still dithering, it’s because deep down you don’t like the obvious choice. You could spend days drawing up lists of pros and cons, and frantically trying to come up with more pros or more cons. Or you could recognize that that’s what you’re doing, and examine the reasons why.

Incidentally, I’m not a fan of weighing up pros and cons. Listing them is fine, to make sure you haven’t missed any. But you can’t balance them up, because they don’t really weigh anything. I know that sounds facetious but what I mean is that you’re not comparing like with like. There could be 50 reasons to do something and only one against, but it might be an absolute and overwhelming one. Maybe everything on paper points towards a particular course but it’s far too expensive, or it’s overseas and you would hate that. So by all means make sure you’ve thought of all the factors, and eliminate any options that prove to be unfeasible for some reason such as cost, but then listen to your gut feeling. That’s the ultimate arbiter in any important decision.