RULE TO BREAK

“Be a friend to everybody”

We’re good, decent people, you and me. We’re Rules players, aren’t we? So surely we should treat everybody well – like everyone we meet. Actually, yes … and no. Treat everybody well, certainly, but we don’t have to like everyone.

If we’re playing by the Rules, we probably will like most people. We’ll be open and amicable, we’ll do our best to be understanding, we’ll be helpful and charming and kind and co-operative and considerate. That brings out the best in people, so we’ll see the most likeable side of almost everyone we encounter.

But there are always exceptions. I know someone who claims to dislike only three people. As far as I can tell, that’s genuinely true. She’s a Rules player, and I should think that’s more people than dislike her. However, some people have traits that really rub you up the wrong way, or you meet them under unfortunate circumstances. You’re dating their ex, or you have started a new job only to find someone working under you who applied for it unsuccessfully and resents you. I imagine they won’t show you their best side. And sometimes they’ll behave in ways that make it impossible for you to like them.

Personally I find there are very few people I actively dislike, but there have been a handful in my life. Not to mention several I wouldn’t go so far as to say I dislike, but I don’t actively like them. Whether or not you like someone is a feeling, and you can’t help how you feel. So as long as you’ve given someone your best shot, don’t feel obliged to like them.

Ah, but how you treat them – that’s a different matter. As a Rules player, you should make it your mission to conceal your dislike. Always be civil, mannerly and considerate regardless of your personal feelings. After all, you’ll only make things worse if you don’t, and a Rules player occupies the moral high ground at all times. Make sure they have nothing to reproach you with.

There will just once in a while be times when you feel you have to express a strong opposing view out of principle. Maybe you’re standing up to someone who is victimizing another person. On these – hopefully rare – occasions you are free to say exactly how you feel about their behaviour, but don’t tell them you dislike them. How will that help? Not only is it unnecessary, but it makes your attack seem personal, which undermines its authority. Keep it objective.

These occasions should be few and far between, however. The rest of the time just act as if you like everyone. Apart from being the most civilized way to behave, you’ll also find people much more likeable, and you’ll enjoy them more.