Chapter 11. Power Up: Assertiveness

Do you feel that others take advantage of you? Or are you aggressive, meeting your own needs at the expense of others? Do you think you express your thoughts, feelings, and beliefs in a direct, honest, and appropriate way? An assertive person effectively influences, listens, and negotiates so that others choose to cooperate willingly. Being assertive is one of the most important skills you can have. In your daily work communication, you need to be assertive when handling complaints, selling, negotiating, motivating, or delegating.

Directions: Consider the following statements and check the answer that describes your behavior in MOST situations.

 

YES

NO

  1. Others find it easy to take advantage of me.

______

______

  1. I hesitate to speak up for fear others might consider me aggressive.

______

______

  1. I sound as though I am asking a question when I am making a statement.

______

______

  1. I preface my comments with disclaimers such as “I may be wrong” or “This might be a stupid question, but . . .”

______

______

  1. I say too much and give too many details when I explain something.

______

______

  1. I accept what I’m offered even when it’s not what I wanted or expected.

______

______

  1. I avoid saying things I feel in order to keep the peace.

______

______

  1. I downplay compliments when I receive them.

______

______

  1. I allow myself to be pressured into making snap decisions.

______

______

  1. I say yes when I want to say no.

______

______

  1. I feel the need to invent excuses when I say no.

______

______

  1. I remain silent when criticized or treated unfairly.

______

______

  1. I allow myself to be inconvenienced in order to avoid conflicts.

______

______

  1. I feel guilty when I say no.

______

______

  1. I talk around the issue rather than express my feelings directly.

______

______

  1. I make promises I later regret.

______

______

  1. I respond impetuously rather than carefully choose my words.

______

______

  1. I get angry at myself when I choose not to say things I should have said.

______

______

  1. I respond defensively when unfairly criticized.

______

______

  1. I lose my courage at the last moment and don’t say what I planned to say when I am faced with an awkward or threatening situation.

______

______

Total of YES responses: ____________

Scoring:

15–19

You are too timid.

7–14

You should be more assertive.

0–6

You are self-assured.

Assertiveness Tips

  • Use “I” rather than “you” messages.

  • Express feelings and needs without blame or punishment.

  • Resolve issues immediately.

  • Learn to say no without guilt.

  • Keep control by speaking in a firm voice and maintaining a well-balanced posture.

  • Focus objectively on the situation and do not get sidetracked.

  • Express your case with conviction, but don’t neglect the position of the other person.

Personal Improvement Goals

_________________________________________________

_________________________________________________

_________________________________________________

_________________________________________________

_________________________________________________

To the Facilitator

After completion of the rating forms, form small groups to discuss some of the goals identified by individuals and issues that hinder assertive behavior. Conduct a large group discussion regarding specific actions that can be taken to improve assertive behaviors that meet the needs of the customer (internal and external) as well as those of the service representative.

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