• You need to understand the other person’s set—do not challenge it.

• Arguing will not change someone’s set, only threaten it, which will cause the other individual to dig in harder.

• If you stay mired in your own set, you will get nowhere in moving toward change.

• If you can see things the way the other person sees them, you have a chance to build trust and change his or her set.

• If others show resistance to your attempts at persuasion, determine which of the following causes may be to blame. This may help you change their sets.

Possible Causes of Resistance

• Not readily forsaking the old for the new and untried

• Not breaking established habits unless absolutely required to

• Not taking initiative easily if doing so can be avoided

• Not sacrificing present security for possible future advantage

• Not acting on anything unless prodded

• Not giving up prejudices easily

• Not openly admitting ignorance or incompetence

• Not trusting the new information or the person representing it

Remedies

• Alignment. What you propose must be consistent with your past words and actions.

• Association. Connect what is already accepted with what you want to be accepted. Connect people with their needs and wants.

• Confidence. If you are confident, then others can be confident.

• Evidence. People cannot deny what they see with their own eyes.

• Framing. Meaning depends on context, so give broad details about other contributory factors before making your major point, and reframe others’ objections into benefits.

• Logic. Understand the real logic of both your and others’ arguments within the social and emotional situation.

• Objectivity. Stand back to decrease emotion and increase rational, logical thinking.

• Perception. Work from what people believe by fitting what you say into their mental models and by using their language.

• Trust. If you are trustworthy, people will be more likely to accept what you have to say.