TIP 3
INSTALL 10 DAILY HABITS
Good habits, which bring our lower passions and appetites under automatic control, leave our natures free to explore the larger experiences of life. Too many of us divide and dissipate our energies in debating actions which should be taken for granted.
Most of us have a few bad habits that don’t really nurture and support us. They may even have evolved from a habit to an addiction, as my daily cup of coffee did before I even realized it. Experts say that to break a habit, you need to replace it with a different habit, or you might go right back to the old habit. Ideally you want to replace a bad habit with a good habit—“good” meaning that it gives you energy rather than depletes it. Developing a new habit is like installing a new software program—once you do the initial implementation it works automatically (with occasional upgrades) and you don’t need to think about it. The beauty of a habit is also the curse, making bad habits hard to break precisely because they are now installed in your brain.
What are 10 pleasures that you could put in place on a daily basis that you’d look forward to doing? Perhaps you’d like to spend 15 minutes of quiet time to plan your day or on creative thought? How about stretching for 10 minutes after you get home from work to get the kinks out? Maybe you want to walk or bike to work instead of driving. Try bringing your lunch with you to work and eating outside under a tree instead of in the cafeteria. Experiment with going to bed a half-hour earlier and getting up a half-hour earlier.
The idea here is not to put in place a “should” habit—something you think you should do—but rather a habit you’d love to do—something that would be a treat for you.
This will be different for each person. Most people are so stressed out when they begin this assignment that they can’t even think of 10 pleasurable habits. This was true for me. I had completely lost touch with what I enjoyed doing. I couldn’t think of anything except “shoulds” like, “I should exercise daily,” or, “I should eat more veggies.” This didn’t light me up or turn me on so, I had to think back to what I used to do for fun. My list of 10 daily habits ended up as a combination of some fun things and some things I knew I needed to implement on a regular basis:
1. Walk to work instead of taking the subway. (I timed it and found that the subway took 40 minutes, and I could walk door to door in one hour. I figured for an extra 20 minutes, I’d gain an hour of exercise and save some money. This ended up becoming a sort of walking meditation for me.)
2. Floss daily (sort of a “should,” but I don’t mind flossing, and it definitely makes my teeth happy).
3. Call a friend or send a note of thanks daily.
4. Eat an exotic fresh fruit (raspberries, strawberries, a mango, a papaya, a juicy pear).
5. Do one “pamper me” thing (a new book, a walk in the park, fresh flowers for the office).
6. Take vitamin C and a multivitamin (a pretty easy one).
7. Do daily back exercises (I had lower back pain, and these kept me mobile).
8. Tell someone “I love you” every day.
9. Spend 15 minutes to plan my day every morning.
10. Clean my desk off before leaving the office every evening.
If you are having trouble breaking a bad habit or starting a good habit, you may want to create a visual display to chart your progress. It doesn’t really matter what you use as a visual display, but you need some daily visual reminder to keep you on target such as the gold star method discussed below. Some clients cut out pictures from magazines and create a collage that inspires them to stick to their new habits.
This may sound silly, but it really helps to have some sort of visual display or to make a mini-contest or game out of it. Kendall, an athletic client of mine, was addicted to sugar and decided to give herself a gold star for every day without sugar. She didn’t want to see a blank day on the calendar. The visual display not only shows you in black and white just how well you’ve really done, but it motivates you to keep on going. The longer you go, the more powerful it becomes. This technique also works for implementing a good habit, like walking the dog or eating three fresh vegetables a day. The latest research on habits says that while it may only take 21 days to establish a new, simple habit, such as taking vitamin C every day at breakfast, some habits are much more difficult to install, especially if they are related to changing eating habits and starting exercise. Be prepared to give yourself more time and get additional support when making bigger changes.
One of the easiest ways to incorporate a new habit into your life is a technique called laddering, in which you take an existing habit or routine and then add the new habit to it. For example, if you are already brushing your teeth, you can attach the new habit of flossing to that existing habit. Put a reminder note on your bathroom mirror and put the floss right next to your toothbrush until it is automatic. If you already eat breakfast, put the jar of multivitamins right next to your cups so that you’ll remember to add in the multivitamin habit each day. If you are in the habit of driving to work, add the habit of tossing in your gym bag in the morning so you can stop by the gym on the way home from work. Put the gym bag by the front door so you remember. A combination of visual reminders attached to an existing habit, and you’ll soon be on autopilot.
Adding in exercise is a hard one for most people. The secret is finding someone to do it with you, especially if you are an extroverted type. Often, we just need some extra support while establishing the new habit.
One client, a super busy construction executive, realized he’s never been able to find time for exercise in his day because he would always find work to do instead. He was used to working with a strict schedule, so he called a personal trainer to come to his house and get a workout in before work. (Another example of using laddering successfully—he had the habit of checking his schedule every day and going to appointments so he used that existing habit to add in the appointment for exercise). Now that it is a routine, he has the trainer come only one time a week instead of the initial three times a week because he is in the habit of daily exercise. Don’t be afraid to hire help to get yourself going, because you’ll soon find you can do it on your own with occasional check-ins to keep you on target.
Another important point about implementing a new habit—it is much easier to get started if it is a daily action. It is very hard to remember to do something three times a week, which is the standard advice for exercise. You are much better off walking every day for 10 minutes to get the habit started than walking three times a week for 30 minutes. Gradually increase your time each day, and before you know it, you’ll be walking 30 to 60 minutes a day. Find someone to join you, and you’ll be more likely to stick with it.
Write down a list of 10 daily pleasures and start enjoying every day.