TIP 20
UPGRADE YOUR NETWORK
As if you could kill time without injuring eternity.
Don’t hang around with people just to kill time or because they happen to be the only friends you have. Either you fully enjoy them, or don’t spend time with them. Do not accept anything less. This may mean that you need to let go of some relationships, which isn’t always easy. It could be that you have grown and changed; while your friend was fun to be with at one time, this may not be true anymore. Sometimes we end up staying with people out of habit and stay in a relationship much longer than necessary. This costs you vitality and will make it harder for you to attract people you really enjoy. You don’t need to make a big deal out of it. Just drift away, stop hanging around with them, even if it means doing things by yourself for a while.
One client, Joe, had a friend who was loads of fun to hang around with but had turned somewhat flaky over the past year. She would cancel plans at the last minute or say she would come to dinner and never show up. Joe decided he didn’t need a friend like this, so he used the four-step model (Tip 6) to inform his friend that her behavior was not acceptable. Unfortunately, the friend didn’t change, so Joe stopped making plans and calling her. They still bump into each other occasionally, but there are no hard feelings; he just moved on. A few months later, Joe met a new and terrific friend, and then two old friends from college moved into town. He found himself with an abundance of truly great and loving friends.
Be aware of who you are hanging around with at work as well. If your colleagues are negative, whining, gossiping, or complaining all the time, it will bring your spirits and energy down. Better to find those who are positive go-getters and go out to lunch with them and volunteer to work with them on projects or committees. You don’t want to join a group of losers or naysayers at work. Always be polite and friendly to everyone, but be choosy about whom you hang with, or you may well end up damaging your reputation by association. This doesn’t mean that you can’t go out to lunch with the more negative peers on occasion, but it shouldn’t become a regular practice.
If you actively engage in this coaching process, it is highly likely that you will be letting some old friends go and making new friends. Life is too short to waste with people who aren’t willing to treat you with love and respect. Create the space for new friends and colleagues who inspire you and love you.