TIP 97
BEFRIEND YOUR FEAR
Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage.
On occasion my clients give me the excuse that they can’t do something because they are afraid. They hate to admit this because they think that fear is a bad thing or that they shouldn’t be afraid. I usually stop right there and ask them about the source of their fear. What are they really afraid of? You see, fear isn’t the bad guy; fear is our friend. We usually are afraid for some pretty darn good reasons. And quite often, the best solution is to address the fear and then take the action.
Ron had been working in the same company for 12 years although he wasn’t particularly happy in his work. What he really wanted to do was quit his job and start his own consulting business. Our conversation went like this:
Me: So, why don’t you?
Ron: Well, I’m afraid; what if I fail?
Me: Well, that is a possibility; what is the source of the fear?
Ron: I’m afraid that I won’t have enough money and that I’ll lose my shirt and be out on the streets.
Me: That sounds like a reasonable fear to me, but the fear isn’t so much about starting your own business as it is about not having enough money.
Ron: Yep, that’s it.
Me: Well, how many month’s living expenses do you have saved up as a cushion for leaving your job?
Ron: Three months.
Me: Well, no wonder you are afraid—that isn’t enough. If you had nine months to a year of living expenses tucked away, would that reduce the fear?
Me: Let’s create a plan to increase your savings so that you can make the transition to your own business without worrying about paying the mortgage.
Ron: Great!
As you can see, fear can be a very useful ally. Take a good look at why you are afraid of something and see if you can’t do something to alleviate the fear at its source. Then it will be much easier to take the action required.
Sometimes you shouldn’t try to eliminate your fears because they could come in handy. A friend of mine went to an excellent hypnotherapist to help him stop smoking. It worked so well that he thought he might as well get rid of a few other things that were troubling him. He told the therapist that he had a morbid fear of sharks and would really have a lot more fun boating and swimming around in the oceans if he didn’t have this dread of a shark biting him in the butt. The hypnotherapist looked him in the eye and said, “Absolutely not. It is good to be afraid of sharks!”
Fear can be created from all sorts of different sources. It is worth examining the source of your fears to see where they came from and to determine whether they are unfounded. Many times you will discover that your fear is completely unfounded. Fears can be instilled by our parents in an effort to protect us. “Don’t talk to strangers” is perfectly fine advice for a five-year-old, but at some point you will have to talk to strangers to survive in this world. Fears can come from cultural or religious prohibitions. And one of the most pervasive fear breeders is the news.
Fear is a good thing sometimes, but we forget that the news is all the bad stuff and is not an accurate reflection of what’s happening in the world. Although I always knew that TV news was exaggerated, I didn’t realize just how bad it was until after the bombing of the World Trade Center in downtown Manhattan in 1993, before 9/11. The day after the bombing, I was walking to work and was stopped by a news reporter, microphone in hand, who asked, “Aren’t you afraid to go into this public building after the bombing of the World Trade Center?” I replied, “No, one can’t go around living in fear. That is precisely what the terrorists want.” This was not the answer he was looking for so he asked the next person on the street, who also said he wasn’t afraid, as did the next. I overheard the reporter mutter under his breath, “Isn’t anyone in this city afraid? We haven’t gotten one good clip yet.” I smiled to myself, thinking, “Hooray for New Yorkers!” We aren’t about to be put into a panic by a bunch of lousy terrorists.
That night on the news I saw the same reporter and was expecting to see all those calm and unruffled New Yorkers. Instead they featured a number of hysterical, screaming misfits wailing about how terrible it was and how they couldn’t go into any major buildings. They must have looked high and low to find these people, and it really opened my eyes to what news really is: Not an accurate report of the facts, Instead, it is all about drama. I stopped watching the news on television, realizing it was a waste of my time. If you are going to live your dreams, you will have to take some risks—don’t let the media or anyone else stop you.
Another way to deal with fear is to start taking more risks in life. (I’m not suggesting that you do anything to put yourself in physical danger.) Take some little or even big risks. Why? Because taking a risk, doing something that might even scare you, will make you feel fully alive and vibrating. The fear will get your heart pumping and toes tingling. Plus, you’ll become a stronger, more powerful human being. Here are some suggestions for strengthening your risk muscle:
1. Ask your boss for a raise. Most people are underpaid for what they do, so ask!
2. Call someone up you’ve been meaning to call and, for whatever reason, haven’t.
3. Ask someone to meet one of your needs (Tip 44).
4. Apologize to somebody for something you did that hurt him or her, even if this person doesn’t know you did it.
5. Return something that you stole or “borrowed” with the appropriate apologies.
6. Volunteer to give a presentation or speech.
7. Take a trip by yourself.
8. Take the opposing side of an argument (stand up for what you think).
9. Go to dinner by yourself at a nice restaurant.
10. Take a scuba diving class.
How is this related to attracting the success you want? People who never take risks are rather dry and stale. They may be stuck in a comfortable groove that even they find boring. A risk or two will freshen you up and shake loose any cobwebs that might have been gathering around you.
What are you afraid to do? Do it this week. Make it a dare with your friends if you need to. Keep challenging yourself to do something new and scary, and you’ll attract wonderful opportunities.